Fourth
by Aida Rosaura
Summary: Edward leaves, Bella's broken. But could three mysterious vampires change her perspective on life? And would she accept if they offered to make her their fourth, especially if it meant forgeting the pain Edward caused her forever?
1. Insignificance

**This may sound a bit like my other story, what with the timing and all, but it's the only other story I'm writing that I feel is good enough to post. It's been an idea I had since way back in the early summer and I wrote chapter one once but it never got continued. Recently I came back to it thinking it had a bit of potential. I certainly hope that you see what I did in it, though I'm not quite sure where Jacob is. I guess Bella could just have not met him yet. Please don't hesitate to tell me if it's going a bit fast. Also, my best friend just started posting her first fic, it's really worth reading!!!(Predawn darkness by: chibi-angel-chan)**

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Just like every other morning I got up, got dressed, ate breakfast, packed my backpack and left for school in the pouring rain. Perfectly normal. _Exceptionally_ normal. Except I did all the mundane, day to day things under the cover of my safe little world wrapped tightly around me. Nothing new, nothing risky in the least. I had learned from experience that was how I was safe. Never doing anything.

As I pulled myself up into my truck and got it started I saw the time. Crap, I was going to be late. I had never been late, not since September thirteenth, my eighteenth birthday. Not since _he_ had left.

I hurried a bit on my drive to school, but it was still boring, like always, but at least I had something to think about. I knew being late wouldn't get me in trouble, not if it was just once. But I let it occupy my mind anyway.

Like I suspected, my spot in the school lot was taken. By a shiny, new looking purple Concord. It looked like a fairly nice car, but I didn't give it a second thought, and I _certainly_ didn't take it as a sign of anything. It was just a vehicle.

My first class of the day was English. I grabbed my backpack from beside me in the passenger seat and headed into the building.

When I got there I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"How nice of you to join us, miss Swan" Mr. Berty stopped lecturing the class to say

"Sorry" I muttered, shaking off my hood and hanging up my coat on the rack, trying desperately not to draw anymore attention to myself; I was sure half the class was staring already. I couldn't believe that I had slept in, though I knew the reason why. The nightmares, they kept me up usually all night. Even if I didn't remember them in the morning I still knew they happened and just the fact that they were implied terrified me.

I was slipping into a seat at the very back of the room, as inconspicuous as I could be, when the door swung open again and in bounced a happy-looking, excited tall blond girl.

"Morning!" she called, smiling exuberantly

"Ah… good morning, you must be our new student" Mr. Berty said, returning the smile

"Sure am" she replied curtsying prettily in her calf-length brown skirt "Margareta, at your service"

"Very nice to meet you, Margareta" Mr. Berty went over to his desk and looked like he was writing something down "I hope you enjoy Forks and your new school"

She nodded and skipped over to the only vacant seat, the one beside me.

Once she was seated the lecture was quickly resumed. But I couldn't bring myself to look away from my class's new addition

Her hair, which looked like it would normal go down to her mid back, was up in a high ponytail with the exception of a small piece on either side of her face, framing it perfectly. And her pink tank top was skin tight, soaked with rain as it was, revealing a perfect figure.

Some of the boys were watching her too but for much, _much _different reasons then me.

I stared, in awe and shock and pain and so many other emotions I couldn't determine because, in addition to her flawlessness, she had white, almost translucent skin and soft golden eyes.

She was a vampire.

Margareta seemed to try her best to ignore my stare. She probably was used to people watching her. But she didn't get _wh_y I was looking at her. She couldn't possibly have a clue.

After a moment to get over my initial shock, I began contemplating what to do. Just turn to her and say 'I know what you are'?

NO. That was stupid. It didn't even matter. I took a second to scold myself for such dumb thought. I had nothing to do with her. Nothing to do with her kind, more specifically. I was just another girl, just another human who had no involvement in there world. I was insignificant to them.

Even worse, I knew _why_ I wanted to tell her I knew. I _wanted_ to be involved in her world, more then anything else on earth. Actually, I could think of exactly one thing I wanted more, but I was strictly forbidden to think like that.

I could manage sitting beside this vampire for the rest of the day, and possibly tomorrow too. I could just sit here, pretending she didn't exist.

And I did. For about five minutes. Then a thousand questions began to drive me insane. Was she here alone? Or were there others too? Was she just passing through? Or did she intend to stay in Forks? She wouldn't register for a high school if she were just passing through. Would she? What if I came to school tomorrow and she was gone?

A wave of horror washed over me. There was no way I could deny that, that would completely kill me. Knowing I had willingly passed up this chance, this _one _chance. My extent of knowledge about this girl was her first name but she was my link to the vampire world, my only hope for what I wanted most.

I opened my agenda and scribbled a quick note: _vampire, right?_

My heart raced as I wrote it but I tried to ignore that fact, it was just an annoyance. When I finished I slid the book onto her desk and turned up to the front, for the first time all period paying attention; I felt an odd desire _not _to know what she was writing. In a split second the agenda was back on my desk.

_We will talk at lunch, alright? But it's very nice to meet you, Bella_

**I know nothing of cars but I saw a purple Concord once when me and my friend were out for a walk. It was really awesome. I love purple things. I also noticed, reading through this chapter, that it seems a bit choppy at points. I'll try to work on that... Anyway please review and check out my other story 'the Jane who stole Bella'!**

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	2. Omen

**well, I guess this is chapter two. Not much to say about it. I just hope that it's good and people enjoy! I'm also not really getting the whole 'choppy' vibe so I hope the writing of this one is a bit better. Review please! It would make me eternally grateful!**

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When class ended I left battling with an implacable feeling and all through every other class until lunch I couldn't shake it. It was so . . . vaguely familiar, but I couldn't get what it could possibly mean.

All I knew was that it had some connection with Margareta and, more importantly the fact that she was a vampire.

As I opened the cafeteria door I couldn't help but feel slight anticipation, on top of the other feeling. I really, really shouldn't be excited, for all I knew she would just kill me for knowing. But it didn't change how I felt.

"Hey Bella!"

I must have jumped at least four feet in the air.

"oh, sorry for startling you" Margareta linked arms with me and began steering me over to a table where, if I had been paying any attention and not trying to understand why she was being so friendly, I would have seen two more female vampires.

"Its okay" I finally managed to mumble

"Bella, meet Faye and Jannah" Margareta pulled out a chair for me, across from the two others. There was already a tray of food.

"Ummm, hi" I said weakly, sitting down

"Hello, Bella" one of the vampires smiled serenely and greeted "I'm Faye" she had short black hair, cropped to a bob cut and the same soft yellow eyes as Margareta, who had just slid down into the chair next to me.

Jannah had her arms crossed in front of her and looked at me with intense disapproval. Just by her shirt's sleeves I could tell it was a much older style, and with her wild, deep ruddy coloured hair, she actually_ looked_ like a vampire. What a silly thought, vampires, looking like vampires. Her eyes were also darker in colour, as if to signify her mood.

"So, Margareta has said that you're a little more . . . informed about us then most people" Faye spoke very calmly, and so I couldn't really tell the nature of what she said, was it accusatory?

"Yes, I think I am" I tried hard to match her level tone

"All we want to know is how. We may not hurt you Bella but there are others who would, especially if you go around flaunting your knowledge"

"I'm sorry" my voice trembled and threatened to break "I-I… just-" I bit my lip and I could feel tears beginning to form

"It's all right!" Margareta threw her arms protectively around me "she's not angry, none of us are. We like you Bella; we're just confused as to why you know so much"

I had to take a minute before I could talk again "how I know is kinda the reason I'm upset" I said breathlessly

Faye's expression stayed the same but Jannah looked interested now, in a detached way. Like is had been to long since a good victim of there kind had shared there story.

"Its okay sweetie" Margareta held me tighter "you don't have to tell us if you don't want to, but we would really like to hear."

"Not right now" I was in no state to explain to them and then be falling apart for the rest of the day "but I'll explain later"

Faye nodded approvingly, I couldn't help but get a sense that she was the leader of this trio "after school then?" she asked

"Sure" Charlie would be happy. Me, doing something with 'friends'

"You can come over!" Margareta exclaimed happily

"Alright, but I'll have to drop my truck off at home" I felt a slight sense of accomplishment. Now I _did _have a connection, regardless of how small, with vampires. And that was exactly what I wanted.

The rest of the day passed quickly, regardless of the fact that I wasn't exactly looking forward to giving my explanation and when I left my last class, there was Jannah Margareta, and Faye. All waiting for me. As I darted over to them I got a couple odd glances from my class mates who still knew me as the unresponsive person I had been this morning.

"Ready to go Bella?" Margareta came forward and took my hand, being affectionate like earlier

"Yeah" I muttered, terrified for what I soon had to do soon. So long I had spent denying it, did I even truly remember life before my last birthday?

"We'll follow you to your house, so you can drop off your truck then we will take you to our home" Faye began to lead us to my truck and when we got there I pulled myself into the driver's side, though I was in no state to drive.

Instantly Margareta was in the passenger side "I'm coming to!" she said smiling

"Thanks" I couldn't believe that my voice already shook

When I was about half way home I realized the vehicle that was following me to my house was the purple Concord. Goosebumps rose on my arms; that was just a little bit creepy. This car, the one I had sub-consciously made note of this morning, the one that had been parked in my spot, belonged to vampires. It was like a freaky omen.

When we reached my house I decided to drop off my backpack too. I hurried inside and dropped it by the door, quickly scribbling a quick note for Charlie so he would know where I was. Though I half expected him to call anyway.

Margareta was already in the car when I got back outside. I couldn't see her because of the dark tint in the windows but she had disappeared from my truck and her vehicle sat idling.

I hurried up and got into the back of the car. Jannah was in the passenger seat and Faye drove. Margareta sat in the back with me.

"Hey Mar?" Faye turned around momentarily to address her 'sister'

"Yeah?" Margareta replied

There was silence for a moment and the two of them watched each other. Them Margareta nodded, oddly serious for her normal demeanor, and Jannah sighed. A long, exasperated kind of 'fine, whatever' sigh

I could tell whatever was being communicated was kept away from me on purpose. Or, at least, it was none of my business. So I didn't ask.


	3. Considering

**well I had I bit of a problem with this one, I typed up the whole fourth chapter instead of the third. So I did intend to update a bit earlier then today but I think I, and everyone else, will live. Also, I'm getting kinda sick of typing out Margareta all the time so I might just reduce it to 'Mar' or 'Mari'. I can be a very, very lazy person. One last thing, I'm getting bored of all the 'and everyone was happy, the end' kinda stories both written by me and not. So this has potential to end incredibly tragically (really, ask my friends,I'm the kind of person to suddenly do that too) but then again, I may chicken out and just make it happy . . .**

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We arrived at a small, quaint looking town house in a couple minutes, thanks to the speed of the car. It wasn't really in a rural area, like I had expected. It was just a lone house in a court that was off of a side street.

The four of us headed into the house through the rain, which was still coming down in buckets and when we got inside we went straight into a spacious sitting room near the back of the house.

The walls of the room were a soft, mint green colour and the couch and love seat, the only pieces of furniture, were brown leather.

"Are you ready to explain, Bella?" Faye asked politely, she and Jannah and Margareta all sat on the couch together and I alone on the loveseat.

"Yes, I think I am" I replied cautiously "well, as you can guess, you're not the first vampires who lived in Forks. There was a coven before you, a big one. There was seven of them; The Cullens,"

I went on slowly, so I didn't up set myself anymore then completely necessary. I told them all I could manage and, for the first time ever I actually let myself comprehend when had gone on.

Edward had left, after all the times he had said he loved me, and after all the times he had done everything in his power to keep me safe, he had left me

I also cried. I cried a lot during my explanation. And as soon as I started Margareta had switched couches to join me for comfort. "Its okay" she said softly, pulling me into her arms "he would have to be pretty dumb to leave you, Bella, I've known you for a grand total of one day, not even, less the six hours and I already think you're completely awesome. You're beautiful and kind and I think you're as close to perfect as any one person could be"

That made me cry even more, but somehow I managed to speak again "thanks" I said "all of you, thanks so much, I've never been able to talk to anyone about it because they would think I was completely crazy, but I feel so much better now"

Faye smiled at me and the only thing I could think of that her smile compared to was a proud mother's "were glad we can help Bella, even if it just means you getting out your feelings and us listening"

Even the seemingly hostile Jannah looked sympathetic

"Bella?" Mar's voice wasn't really sad anymore, just questioning. And maybe the smallest hint of excitement too

"Yes?" I replied, turning to her

She paused for a moment, pursing her lips, then she looked up to Faye, who was, obviously enough, considering the same thing.

"What is it?" I asked, looking back and forth between them. It had to be the same thing as in the car and my curiosity was getting to me.

"We were just . . ." Faye didn't seem the kind of person who didn't know how to phrase things often "thinking"

I had kinda guessed that and meant what they were thinking about, but I didn't say anything else, because Jannah did.

"We want you to join us, Bella" she said. This was actually the first time I had heard her say anything, but more surprising then that and the seemingly kind nature she spoke with (not exactly what I had expected, which then made me feel bad for judging her) was what she had said

"You want me to . . . . Join you?" I asked, a bit confused

She just nodded, as if it was obvious exactly what she meant

"We could understand if you have a grudge against our kind but please Bella, consider it for us. And, well . . . Mari?" Faye looked to Margareta, asking her to take over

"Just like some of the vampires that were here before, I have a power" she said calmly "we wouldn't be able to guarantee it would work because of –what was it? Edward's that didn't work on you? – But we could try. I may be able to erase your memories of them."

My mouth could possibly have fallen open "you can what?" I asked disbelievingly

"Erase memories" Margareta replied "it's cool and can come in handy too"

"Wow" I mouthed, trying to contain my wonder and comprehend all that that could allow at the same time

"So what do you say?" Margareta leant forward a bit, her eyes bright with excitement

"Can, can I have a couple days? I, I don't think I could decide right now"

"Of course you can" Faye said, still from the other couch "you can have as long as you need, there's absolutely no pressure"

"Thanks" I smiled weakly for the first time in forever "this is certainly a lot to happen in just one day"


	4. Unnecessary

**I was looking over my original drawing of my made ups last night and I realized that 'Jannah' was originally spelt 'Jahhna'. For now I am just trying both out to see which I like better.**

** Also, I'm having a bit of trouble with the storyline aspect of this fic. I thought I had it all figured out but I'm starting to second guess myself, there so many possible ways for this to go. In the long run I can just about guarantee I'll write them all but I don't know what to post for now. Any suggestion would be awesome! and for any of the ideas I have this chapter would probably be the same anyway.**

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I didn't have nightmares that night, for the first time in months I slept completely peacefully. And, even more surprising I woke happy.

Jahhna, Margareta and Faye were waiting for me, when I got to school, by there car which wasn't parked in my usual spot today.

"Hey Bella!" Margareta called as I approached them "how are you?"

"Good" I said smiling "actually much, much better. I have my life back, after all these months, I'm really happy and I could never be able to thank you guys enough for that"

Mari hugged me and kissed my forehead, sensing my almost tearfulness "just like we said yesterday, we're happy to help in anyway we can, it's no problem"

School that day wasn't as horrible as usual. Sitting beside Margareta in my first class and knowing I would get to be with the three of them during lunch . . . it was actually kinda fun. I had friends now, people to talk to and share my whole dilemmas with. I didn't worry about them judging me; they understood everything and accepted me, even in the state I was.

And, as I had decided last night, I wanted to except there offer; I wanted to become one of them. I was ready to forget my painful past and start all over again. I didn't need to remember. I didn't want to, all the pain was completely unnecessary.

Margareta was waiting for me outside when I finished my last class of the morning. I couldn't help but smile, I felt important. She was waiting for _me_.

We talked quietly as we walked to the cafeteria, where Faye and Jahhna were already seated with food for me. Once Mar and I were settled I decided to share my news "so I was thinking about last night, about your offer" I began nervously

Faye nodded encouragingly and I continued "I decided that . . . well, I would accept it. And not just to be able to forget what happened but because you guys are the best friends I've ever had and I can say that truthfully after just a day of knowing you. I feel like there's no better time for this. Now or never, and I'm ready"

"Yay!" Mar threw her arms around me and kissed my cheek "we can do it this evening, you can come over and it'll be finished by Friday and then I can erase your memory of the pain and all of everything else and – wait, you do know how it happens, right? You seem to know so much that I would be surprised if you didn't, but –"

"Mari" Faye cut her off by saying calmly "we don't need to rush to this. No one said it would kill Bella if we wait a couple days before changing her. So she can have some time to say goodbye to her family and we can think up a bit of a cover story, she won't be able attend school in Forks again and someone is going to need to stay home with her for the first little while"

"Awwwww" Margareta sighed disappointedly "how soon then?"

"Well . . ." Faye looked to me "Bella?"

"How about Friday after school?" I suggested. That would give me another three and a half days to prepare; it was only Tuesday

"That sounds perfect" Faye was smiling happily, like she was just slightly excited "but you do know how it happens, right? It would be a very unpleasant surprise if you didn't"

I nodded, placing my hand with James' bite mark on the table in front of me "I've been bitten before, I know what it's like"

They all leaned over my hand for a moment, then looked up to my face, eye's wide.

"What happened?" Margareta asked for the three of them

"I was just bitten" I said, it had never really felt like a huge deal "Ed-Edward drew the venom back out"

They still looked like they wanted to hear more of the story, like who it was and what possessed them to bite me but I didn't want to talk about it anymore

Jahhna seemed the only one who sensed my reluctance "so Friday?" she confirmed. I nodded only now realizing the difference between her and any other vampire's voice I had heard. It sounded . . . kind of rough and edgy but still also purely symphonic at the same time. Overall, she seemed different then most of her kind.

What would I be like when I was one of them? Sitting there in the cafeteria I tried as hard as I could to imagine myself as flawless as them. With pale, pale skin and a smile that could make a supermodel drop dead with envy.

"Yes, Friday afternoon" Faye shook me out of my happy imaginings. I guessed she had picked up on the fact I didn't want to talk about my past now. "We can pick you up Friday morning for school so you won't have to worry about your truck, and you can grab a couple of things if you want too. That way you'll be through the worst of it by Monday when we have to go back to school"

"Okay" I said, it was now starting to hit me how imminent my change was. What I had always wanted, my secret desire that I had pushed to the back of my mind was going to come true, by this time next week I would be a vampire. And possibly slightly adjusted too. A wave of terrified splendor washed over me, alarmingly strong

"Oh Bella! I can't wait!" Mar expressed again. And frankly I couldn't wait either.


	5. Whatever you say

**This story is causing me much grief, but I refuse to dwell on the negative. I'm just taking a bit of a break so expect an update in no less then a week. On the good side . . . okay, maybe there's not one. I'm stressed out as all heck and am struggling to keep my head above water, My friends are angry for me being 'depressed' all the time, I'm losing sleep because of how worried I and I constantly feel nauseous. Well, I did decide on the spelling of Jannah's name. It shall be spelled like that. **

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Friday came quickly, but still not quickly enough. I had sent a long email to Renée, my mom, telling her how much I loved her and what a great mother she had been first thing after school on Tuesday and I began dropping subtle hints for Charlie. He noticed, but not in the preparing for my suicide kind of way. He was just grateful for the sudden appreciation. I was going to miss my family but this was a decision I had always been prepared for.

Charlie was gone for work before Mar and Faye arrived to pick me up. Jannah wasn't there, like she hadn't been since Tuesday. Worst of all they wouldn't tell me why. "You'll figure it out on Friday" Faye had said calmly when I asked "for now we don't need you upset" I couldn't imagine what would upset me, but I was looking forward to finding out this big secret all the same.

"Isn't there anything you'd like to bring?" Margareta inquired when she came to retrieve me and saw all I had was a backpack full of homework

I shook my head "If I'm going to forget then I'm going to forget _everything_. I don't want any reminders of my human life"

I was surprised when she actually laughed out loud "just like Jannah" she said with a smile "exactly like Jannah" I wanted very badly to ask but kept my mouth shut. I would have quite a while to figure out each of there stories.

I was directed into the front seat when Mar and I got outside. And Faye seemed happy enough to see me. "How are you doing this morning Bella? Do you think you're ready?" she asked cheerfully, pulling away from the house

"More then anything I'm . . . scared, but yes, defiantly ready. This is exactly what I've wanted since I found out how it was done." I needed to prove I could do this, maybe to myself, maybe to someone else. But either way I would prove it.

Margareta laughed again from the back seat "she's just like Jannah. She doesn't want to bring a thing"

"Really?" Faye asked, intrigued "are you sure you don't want anything?'

"Positive" I affirmed

"Well Mari, your right, she is a lot like Jannah" I looked over to Faye, trying to show my interest without looking to nosey. I probably would have gone insane if she hadn't caught on. "Would you like to hear why Bella?" she suddenly asked

I nodded quickly "if you don't think Jannah will mind"

"No, she won't. When we explain to Jannah about us and asked her to join Mar and I, right on the spot she said '_go ahead, change me' _we were a bit taken by surprise but right there in the living room that afternoon we erased her memory and changed her. She didn't want to say goodbye to her parents or anything; Jannah had a hard life. She was abused."

"Oh" I murmured, sympathetic

"After that we disputed for days if we should ask her if she wanted us to get anything from her house. Even if she wouldn't remember we could still get her some reminder of her past. We even fought over it, Mar and I, but in the end I gave up and let Mari ask her. And she said no. After all that arguing she just said no."

Margareta laughed out loud again, we were pulling into the school parking lot now and slowly it came creeping up on me that this would be my last day at this school, or any, for quite awhile.

The day passed agonizingly slowly, quite to my surprise. The _whole_ week flies by then the one day I need to pass rapidly is the one that drags on. I even resorted to watching the clock during my classes, just to make sure time was still passing, but even the hands on each and every one of those seemed to be sticking.

At lunch I couldn't eat anything. And my new friends seemed to understand, not bothering to force me to try. But what they did try to force more of my past out of me. And after I reluctantly answered several questions Faye asked:

"Do you know where the other vampires may have gone? I was thinking we could go and try to track them down, just to see what they think of you after your one of us"

"No" I snapped instantly, shaking my head. Though suddenly that didn't seem like such a terrible thought. Alice would still like me, wouldn't she? And so would at least some of the other Cullens. Edward was the only one who really hated me "I actually have no clue" I corrected myself

"That's okay" Mar reassured "I'm sure we'll run into them one day"

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When I got into the front seat of the purple vehicle, like I had this morning, I couldn't help but begin to hyperventilate. "Are you really that frightened Bella?" Faye asked as she pulled out of the parking spot

"No, excited, I think" I replied. I felt like aimlessly screaming "okay, maybe I am just a _little_ scared"

She just kept smiling "both are understandable"

When we pulled up into the driveway I was trying to think of anything other then what was imminent, my main topic of choice being why Jannah had been hiding out, kept away from me. But, unfortunately, when I got inside she didn't seem to be there.

"Would you come upstairs please Bella? That would seem the most practical place to do this" Faye was so calm that it actually relaxed me a bit.

"Yeah, alright" I followed her up a staircase to our right, Margareta trailing along behind. Upstairs was nothing more then one long hall with tons of doors coming off of it.

"we'll go in here" she pushed open a door to her right, and inside looked a bit like a breezy county room, with light blue walls and checkered curtains

"So, change first right?" Margareta asked, coming in and shutting the door behind her

"yes" Faye was pulling her arms out of her sweater, reveling a bright yellow tank top underneath "well . . ." now she didn't seem so sure on her first answer, she paused to think "its probably in our best interest to attend school on Monday, considering it could be a little suspicious if, right after Bella disappears, so do we. So we might not be here when the change finishes, though Jannah will be"

Mar nodded, as I went over to sit on the small single sized bed that was pushed into the corner "you're fine with being a vampire and remembering for a little while, aren't you?"

"Yeah" I replied, that wouldn't kill me

"Good, lets not waste anymore time. The sooner this starts, the sooner it ends," Faye dropped her sweater on the carpet and strode over to where I sat_. Now_ I was anxious "tilt up your head"

I did as I was told, looking up to the spotless white ceiling. The room was silent now, so silent that I heard Margareta switch positions slightly. Suddenly there were icy hands wrapped around my neck, and my chin was pushed up farther with thumbs. I swallowed loudly, so loudly, it seemed, that I would go deaf.

"You're sure Bella? Because if . . ."

"Please" I cut Faye off with a quiet, shaky voice. I could feel her breath on my throat, it was driving me insane "you have, like, half a second before I lose it. Just bite me"

"whatever you say Bella" then all the time I had for was one more breath before there was pain beyond comprehension, and somewhere, floating in the empty void that seemed to be the world right now, I heard a familiar voice again "whatever you say"


	6. Our fourth

**Well, I'm back a little sooner then planed. Nothing really much to say on that. And just so it is general knowledge, Tessia is one of the many names for 'fourth born child' though I'm not quite sure which language it's in and j****ust so no one asks me about this later I've always had more fun not copying the way vampires are created right out of breaking dawn. Seriously, my way changes every time. I love it. It's original.**

**Please enjoy and review!!!**

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Faye and Mari didn't leave the room until Monday when they had to, they tried to stay to console me as long as they could. But unfortunately that couldn't last forever.

That time, that Monday, which marked the last day of my change, I saw Jannah again. She entered the room while Faye and Mar were quietly discussing what hour my change would finish at, and at first I didn't see what was so bad, she _looked_ perfectly normal. Then, even through my disorientated haze, I saw her eyes. They were obviously mostly faded back to a more normal, yellowish color but I could still see the bright crimson flecks that dotted them.

Maybe if I hadn't been in complete anguish I would have cared just a little bit more. But then again, maybe not. She _was_ a vampire, that's what vampires were supposed to do, kill people. It shouldn't come as such a shock if one does. Regardless, I truly didn't care.

"so, we'll be back as soon as we can be" Faye said to Jannah in a low voice, her eyes never once leaving the spot I lay gasping and letting and letting out the odd shriek once and awhile "you know the number if your worried about anything, or if you need us home. It should be finished by the time we get back, alright?" her words kinda seemed slurred together, but somehow I managed to catch them all.

"Yes, that sounds alright" Jannah replied, slipping through the doorway into the room "we'll be here waiting for you"

Faye smiled and nodded slightly. And as she shut the door I heard her quietly murmur "almost now"

I was surprised Jannah didn't get bored out of her mind while baby-sitting me. Really, Mar and Faye had, had each other to talk to but Jannah didn't have anyone. Though, she did take a liking to talking to me.

In a low voice she told me stories. But I was doing an even worse job of concentrating though the pain now; it was escalating. I couldn't even separate the individual words. Jannah's voice was just a low hum, continuous and soothing in my ear.

I could have sworn she talked straight through the day, for seven hours or so, until my change,_ very_ abruptly, stopped. It had to have been the oddest thing I had ever felt. One minute, anguish, torture beyond compare, merciless suffering. And then . . . nothing. Nothing at all. It was like all the pain just evaporated from my body, like it hadn't even been there in the first place.

I was silent, and, it very much seemed, so was the whole world, At least for a moment or two.

"Bella?" Jannah stood up from were she had spent most of the day crouching beside the bed and leaning over me "they're literally on there way upstairs right now, you have absolutely perfect timing"

I was about to open my mouth to comment when there was a soft nock on the door.

"Come in" Jannah called, she had a wide smile on her face now. And I had to admit it looked just a fraction unnatural. She had been so scowl-y when I first met her; it was hard to imagine her any other way.

Faye and Margareta entered the room as I slowly, very, very slowly, pulled myself up so I was sitting. Something about me felt really out of place, of course, I _had_ just become immortal, but still, I had to stick my hand out in front of my face to examine it. To my surprise, it still looked like my hand. Maybe a bit paler but upon first glance that was all the difference I could determine.

"Perfect Bella" Faye said approvingly, pulling Mar forward a bit through the door "we'll have this done in less then a minute"

I didn't say anything but nodded, she was so right, in less then a minute I wouldn't remember anything, not even my own name.

Margareta drifted forward, sitting down on the bed beside me, the whole time smiling reassuringly. Suddenly there was a dull ache in my head, and I groaned, pulling in into my hand. I knew it was just her power. It was going to work on me and I just had to survive it. But it didn't subside.

I began counting slowly in my head, trying to wait out the throbbing that seemed to be making me breathless, not that I needed to breathe anymore. And then, out of nowhere, I began to panic. Why was I in pain? What was going on?

I screamed, my head whipping up, my eyes searching the ones of the three other vampires surrounding me. They were all laid back looking and the one closest to me even laughed happily.

"Are you alright Bella?" she asked, still smiling

"Bella?" I echoed, was that my name? I tried to quickly run over everything I knew in my head. Well, I was a vampire. And I remembered my schooling up to grade twelve. And . . . not much else

"You're Bella" the one hovering around the door said "Isabella Swan, our Tessia"

"Tessia?" I repeated, now even more confused.

"Yes, Tessia. Fourth. _Our _fourth."


	7. My doom

**Sorry if this took a little longer then most, but I wrote the whole chapter, realized it made _no_ sense at all and rewrote it all again. This time its much better (I hope). I've never had a chapter make so little sense, seriously, it was bad . . . really, _really_ bad . . .

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Several months passed, several months of calm and happy existence. Sometimes in the mornings we would watch the news, specifically on me, but only sometimes.

At first my hunt had been frenzied, with search parties that were out twenty-four/seven, there were tons of specials on TV, fliers, missing posters, they even went to school and interviewed each student (a few of which Mar had, had to wipe a couple hours of memories from so they didn't see us leave together)

They seriously intended to find me, but Mari, Faye and Jannah said that there was no way they would. They had been too thorough. They said the only people I had to worry about were another group of vampires, ones who had lived in Forks before them. Ones who had, apparently, used me and left me here to protect myself, knowing the secret.

Ones they knew were aiding in my search, and already here in Forks.

"Don't worry about it Bella," Faye reassured one Saturday afternoon. I was sitting on the bed my change had taken place on and Faye on the floor. She was pulling out boxes full of CDs from under the bed, sorting the things into piles

"But . . . if there are seven of them then won't they be able to over power us?" I asked worriedly "there almost double our numbers!"

"Come on Tessia" suddenly Mar was in the doorway "you've been worried about this for over a week now and look . . . nothings happened yet"

"I found another box!" Jannah called, appearing just like Mar had and slipping past her into the room so she could drop the box of CDs that was in her arms on the floor.

"Why are you going through CDs anyway?" I asked, trying to distract myself

Faye shrugged, leaning back so her skin sparkled in the light that streamed though the one window. "Boredom . . . I don't know, your guess is as good as any"

I still felt uneasy about the second coven out looking for me, but for now there was nothing I could do. If they did find me, which seemed unavoidable right now, despite my family's calm, we would have to deal with it then, when it came.

And it came.

Almost an hour later, when Faye was over half finished shoving her CD boxes back where they belonged, and I was raving about how pointless it had been, to take out CDs , alphabetically order them, and then put the back again, when I began to get an odd feeling.

We all noticed, it was like a blanket of something had fallen over the whole area. We talked as little as possible, and cast each other glances often. They were here, in the area. We could sense it.

But for some reason no one wanted to admit what was going on.

"There we go" Faye said flatly, shoving the very last box away "I'm finished"

"Good" I kept the same tone. Man, it was like being on the sinking Titanic around here. Everyone knew what was happening, everyone one_ knew_ everyone knew what was happening, and no one acknowledge it. We were all in denial.

"Let's . . . go see if there's anymore about Bella on TV" Mar said, opening the bedroom door.

Silently we all filed out and down the stairs, uneasy as heck. Even I couldn't bring myself to ask what to do, maybe because none of us actually knew. It was hopeless, I was doomed.

Mari turned on the TV and flipped through the channels, but there was nothing about me now. They were hopeless too.

Finally Jannah just got up and left the room, unable to stand the tension.

"Soooooo . . ." I said awkwardly. God, I was ready to snap.

"There's nothing on" Margareta stated dully, as if we didn't already know that. Not that we really wanted to sit around, watching TV and waiting for our—more my—fate.

"Okay!" I finally exclaimed, jumping of the couch.

The two looked at me like they couldn't understand what I could possibly be yelling about.

"I can't take this, seriously, its torture!" I strolled up to the TV and roughly turned it off. "Let's get out of here, let's get as far away as possible"

Faye sighed and stood up. "Your right, that's our best bet. We'll try to get away"

I felt slightly triumphant as Jannah reentered the room, maybe this was going to be okay, maybe they wouldn't find us and we could get out of here. Doing something _would _pay off.

We decided our best bet was running, they would be able to hear the vehicle for sure, and know we were trying to get away. So we headed straight off into the forest behind the house, where we sometimes when for hunting. But as we got further and further from the house my feeling of slight hope began to fade. Something was getting increasingly worse.

This time it was only me who felt it. Jannah, Mari and Faye continued like normal, not catching on.

Then, suddenly, we all stopped as our worst fears were realized. There stood seven vampires, and though they looked seemingly peaceful, there they were. Returned to kidnap me.


	8. Your congratulations

**I know I haven't updated this in a while. Probably because my other story had main priority. I've finished writing that one now so all I've got to do is post and I can focus on this.**

**I hope you enjoy!**

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Before a word was spoken I took in as much information about the vampires as I possibly could, analyzing each one. Then I realized . . . there were only five of them. Should I be relived or more worried? Our numbers were more even more now but would they launch surprise attack?

"So" Faye finally said, breaking the silence "your congratulations, you've found Bella. Happy?"

A black haired girl, who stood beside a male with blond hair, spoke low and hostile "there's, something wrong." She stated "Bella . . . Bella what's going on?"

I looked to Jannah, who stood beside me, on how to respond. Should I be sarcastic like Faye? Or serious?

"Don't worry Tessia, there just referring to the fact that we completely erased your memory of everything about your human life." She answered, smiling. There was one single collective gasp as Faye murmured something about Jannah doing a wonderful job of being 'oh so subtle'

"How could you!" the black haired one cried "Bella, how could you let them?!"

"Whoa," Faye replied "seriously, you have no clued what kind of state she was in before. This was a huge favor to Bella. And she appreciates it."

The little black haired one looked down, like she _did_ know what kind of state I was in and it was all her fault.

"So I assume it is one of your powers, to be able to erase memories?" a different one spoke now, he was the oldest looking and standing in the middle. A leader, maybe.

"Yep," Mar said proudly "mine"

He looked at the four of us, gauging. "And how would we be enabled to regain Bella's memories?" he asked

Faye shrugged "I don't think it's possible, but then again no one's ever tried. And we don't intend to let you anytime soon"

Everyone was silent. "So are we good now?" Jannah firmly asked "you can go back to wherever now, right?"

"No!" the girl who seemed to be talking most exclaimed "we can't Carlisle! She—she doesn't know, she would come with us if she knew . . . and Edward . . ." she looked to the center one as she spoke

"We need to respect Bella's decision" he replied to her "we need to respect what Bella has chosen"

She looked like she was about to burst out crying

"Aw, come on" one that had never spoken until now said, he was tall, the tallest, and muscular "we can take them, we'll kidnap Bella, take her home, and she can be with Edward"

The middle one gave him a hard glare "we're leaving, Bella is safe and happy and that's what matters"

They all looked overly disappointed, "goodbye Bella" the little one said broken heartedly as they turn to leave "we miss you, a lot" For some reason something told me she really did miss me. It was just . . . a strange gut feeling.

Once the Cullens were all out of sight Faye turned to me, her smile was triumphant and exaggeratedly massive "I told you Bella, I told you there was nothing to worry about"

I smiled back at her, but I didn't feel _happy_. "I'll never doubt you again" I promised half-heartedly. She laughed.

"Let's go back home"

An air of subtle, calm victory hung in the room back home, completely replacing the one of horror from before. But for some reason I couldn't really fall victim to it like Faye, Jannah and Mari did, it just wasn't . . . right. I excused myself to go upstairs almost immediately after we got back.

My room had become the one I had been changed in, the county looking one, the one with all the CDs. When I got there I threw myself down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. The sun was setting, casting a fractional blazing shadow up there. It looked beautiful. I found my wandering thoughts often drifted back to the little black haired girl from today, her pouty face, masked in sadness. Like she was grieving. Who had I been to her once? And who had she been to me? A friend? Or was it like I had been told, had I just been used by them? I now found that hard to believe.

Suddenly there was a knock on my door. "Come in" I called, though I didn't need to

"Hey Bells," Mar greeted, sticking her head into my room "we're going hunting, our little victory feast, you wanna come?"

I shook my head "not right now, I'm sorta . . . worn out"

Mari smiled understandingly "that's fine, be good while we're gone now"

Once she was gone I lay back down, sighing. The sun had set completely now, it was dark out. A cool, damp breeze blew in through my open window. It was kinda strange, I had never bothered to shut that window, but for some reason I decided to try. I wondered if it even would close.

I went over and firmly grasped the upper part of the window, and then I tugged on it gently. It didn't budge. I considered trying again, pulling harder to see if it was just a little stuck, but I decided not to, I didn't want to break it accidentally.

Suddenly I was thrown backwards by some invisible force. In a second I had composed myself again; my teeth were bared, ready to fight.

"No Bella!" holy crow, it was the black haired girl! Her eyes were wide and her hands up in peace. To my own surprise my stance relaxed.

Once again out of nowhere, I was grabbed and thrown up over a shoulder. It was the big one, I realized in an instant. The one who had suggested kidnapping me.

"What!?" I yelled furiously, pounding my fists against his back "let go of me!"

"Ummmm . . . Emmett, I think she may be a little less reluctant then we first anticipated. You can put her down."

"Awww" Emmett sighed, disappointed "are you sure I can't carry her Alice?"

I couldn't see the girl's reaction but in a second I was slid back down to the floor, I planted my feet firmly. "You're not going to run away, right?" Alice looked at me worriedly, after she had made the assumption I wouldn't run.

"Well, ummmm, that depends" I tried to ponder my answer for a moment "what would you be doing to me? And . . . why?"

"All were going to do is tell you what your friends obviously didn't" Alice smiled serenely trying to make me feel more comfortable.

"But what if . . . they didn't tell me for a reason?" I asked quietly, "what if it was for the best?"

She bit her lip "you have a point there, but what if they don't know what's best for you?"

There were too many 'what ifs'. I shook my head "I just . . . I'll come. But if anyone asks it wasn't willingly"

"Very do-able" Alice was smiling again now, as she lead me past Emmett and over to the window.


	9. New powers

**I have just a little bit of a different chapter nine written along with this, so if you don't like where this one's going I can replace it with that. But you have to speak up and tell me!**

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Alice tried to explain to me as she pulled me quickly along. "well . . . you see Bella, I don't know how much was explained to you or how truthful it was but you fell in love with Edward, my brother, and it was . . ._ almost_ perfect" she sighed sadly again and I couldn't help but have a terrible feeling, the desire to run, cry, scream . . . it was memories from my past, I knew it had to be, maybe some sort of intuition. Maybe this was a bad feeling I had felt before, something only I knew about . . .

I was much more alert now, looking at Alice as if she was my mortal (or immortal, if that fits better) enemy. But how would I get away from the huge one, Emmett? All I could do for now was play along and listen to Alice tell the story "but—but he thought he knew what was best for you, he thought you would be safest and have the happiest life in the long run without him. He—"

I didn't know exactly what she was going to say next, but I knew how I felt about what she was going to say next. I screamed and fell to the ground, it kind felt like someone had shot a cannon right through my middle-section. In a second Alice was there.

"Bella, what's wrong?" she cried

I was in anguish, I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone. I roughly shoved her away, but not with my arms, with my _mind._

"What?" she gasped, as I heard the thud of het falling to the ground.

"Alice, what happened?" in an instant Emmett was at her side and I was up to, prepared to run

"Bella . . . Bella pushed me" Alice stuttered

"No she didn't" Emmett and Alice both had there eyes glued to me "I was watching, she didn't touch you"

"No" Alice was kind of breathless "no, she didn't touch me, it was her—her thoughts"

Emmett looked more aware now, he let Alice go and took a slight step forward, towards me "do you know how you did it, Bella?" he asked cautiously

I still didn't want to be spoken to, I didn't want to be near anyone at all, that was the only way I could be safe from all the pain in the world, not be near anyone. I cried out again, as the same sensation I felt before hit

"Bella!" Emmett dashed forward, concerned for me. But, just like I had done to Alice, I thrust him away and took off into the forest, running faster then I ever had before. They wouldn't be able to catch up to me, or, at least, I hoped they wouldn't be able too.

I kept going until dawn, until I could see the sun beginning to rise gracefully over the horizon. My mind was racing, and had been this whole time, with thoughts of pain and a past I would never know the truth of. I should have gone straight back to Jannah Margareta and Faye after I ran, to tell them about my newfound powers. But, for crazy, illogical reasons I wanted to stay out here.

I settled myself down, sitting in the muddy grass with my back leaning against a tree. I found myself battling with my emotions once again quickly. For just a couple days there, life had been so . . . so simple. Happy afternoons with Jannah, Mari and Faye . . . but maybe life would go back to that now, Alice and Emmett wouldn't try to come back, would they? I guess if they did I would be able to deal with that easy enough.

That reminded me of my new power, I had completely forgotten. It seemed to be some sort of telekinesis, being able to move things with my mind. I decided to test it out, narrowing my eyes at a poor little rock that lay on the ground.

After a second of just staring at the lone thing I decided that this wasn't going to be as easy as I originally thought. I didn't actually know how to work this thing. It just . . . came out last time. How was I supposed to trigger it? I glared even harder at the pebble, imagining it going flying. After a moment I decided that was too outlandish, I switched my thoughts to it just rolling along the ground, like someone had casually kicked it. In another moment that turned to seeing it just roll over. And that to seeing it just tremor slightly. Nothing happened.

Finally, and with a loud roar, I lost my patents at the little helpless stone. I snatched it up off the ground and furiously whipped it straight into a tree. Immediately it was embedded into the wood. "That's what you deserve" I snickered at it, brushing my hands together and turning around to give the pebble the cold shoulder. "Maybe you should think before acting all stupid next time"

I wasn't quite sure what I expected but the rock didn't reply. But, then again, neither would I if I had just been chucked into the trunk of a tree.

"Maybe it was a one time thing" I half muttered to myself, forgetting about my inanimate victim and being to pace around "or maybe it's only when I'm under a lot of stress. Or when I really need to escape"

But none of my explanations really seemed _right_. Nothing really seemed right, right now. Everything was off, like my whole life had shifted three inches to the left . . . or maybe it was to the right . . . or maybe it was just some fricken' third direction that no one ever spoke of because it had been outlawed because people's lives kept shifting there.

Anyway, I needed to get my life back on track, and to do that first I would have to go back and talk to my sisters.

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Wow, Bella's going a little insane . . . anyway, I promise rock chucking and/or vampire powers to all who review!!

**Also, incase its not obvious, at the beginning of the chapter Bella is miss interpreting her pain of Edward leaving.**


	10. Visitor

**Okay, sorry for the lack of clarification last chapter, but I will try again here. Bella was feeling the pain she felt when Edward left, but because of the fact that she doesn't remember _why _she was feeling that pain she decided it must be that she didn't trust the Cullens when she was human. Crap, I probably just made that more confusing . . . sorry for my lack of good explanation skills. Also, big thanks to Twilight Lover Amee for the idea of Bella meeting someone else. I have big plans now!**

**And sorry for the long A/N . . . **

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I spent a little longer out in the forest, I knew I was just procrastinating but if felt nice to just be out and completely alone. For once I actually knew there wasn't anyone a floor below who could hear me muttering to myself.

Walking up to the door I couldn't quite place how I was feeling. Nervous? A bit embarrassed that I had been dumb enough to go with them in the first place? I tried to push my feelings aside, regardless. I didn't bother knocking, I just let myself in, though it didn't quite feel like I should be doing this. "Hello?" I called unsurely

"Bella!" Mari was there in a second, _less_ then a second, with her arms thrown around my neck "we've been so worried about you!"

"I'm fine" I reassured weakly, hugging her back. Jannah and Faye didn't seem to be there, I knew they would have come if they were.

"Are you sure your fine?" Margareta asked again "they didn't hurt you, did they? How'd you get away?"

I smiled, remembering how I had used my new-found ability to free myself "I used a power" I told her proudly "I don't quite know how, but what ever it I did definitely got rid of them"

Mari looked more excited then even I felt "what was it?!" she exclaimed, holding my shoulders and looking into my eyes

"I don't exactly know . . . I just pushed them away with my thoughts or something. One minute they were close and then they weren't . . . but I haven't been able to do it again, when ever I try there's just . . . nothing"

"Really?" Mar looked a little confused, like I had been, but not to concerned "that's kind of . . . strange. But maybe Faye can help you more on that, she's better with that kind of stuff. Speaking of them I should probably call Faye and Jannah, to let them know you're back now. There out looking for you, I was told to wait and see if you came home . . ." she sounded rather disappointed that she had been left out of all the action near the end, but she continued off to go make the call anyway, and I wandered into the living room, turning on the television and paying no attention to Mar's phone conversation.

They still hadn't found me, I was informed by the news reporter. Not that I didn't already know that much. I was also told that there wasn't a single clue as to where I had gone. I had just disappeared off the face of the earth, never to be seen again.

"Bella!" Mari called from whatever other room she was in "did you hear that?"

"Uh, no, sorry Mar I wasn't paying huge attention" I confessed apologetically

She was in the doorway in an instant, with the phone—which I could hear didn't have anyone at the other end—in hand "Faye said a friend of hers called and he wanted to come visit for a little while. She also said he sounded really interested in you"

I was surprised, and I didn't really know how to react to that "wow, really? When is he coming?" I kinda felt worried that I wouldn't live up to what ever had been said about me.

She shrugged in response to my question "as soon as he can get on a plane and come up from South America. Not to long I don't think, Faye will want to tell you more about him, that's definitely best left to her."

"Okay" I said, half lost in my own wonderings about this guy "I'll be sure to talk to her."

It only took Jannah and Faye a few minutes to get back home, to my surprise, and they seemed so relived to see me, like when I disappeared they had expected I was never coming back again or something

"Bella!" Faye hugged me tightly "oh, we were so worried about you, are you alright?" of course Mari had already told her I was but she asked anyway.

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine" I assured

"That's good" Jannah was smiling behind Faye, happy to see I had returned with no damage done "so was it the Cullens?"

I nodded and she scowled, obviously not happy at that piece of information. "So, Mar told me your friend was coming" I stated, looking at Faye and trying to change the subject. I intended to get as much information about this guy as I could before he came.

"Yes," Faye smiled happily "Nuri, we met _long_ before I knew Mar or Jannah, he comes to visit from time to time, he can't wait to see you"

I couldn't help but smile "that's pretty exciting" I noted

She agreed "you'll like him too Bella, he's a lot of fun"

"You have to tell them about your talent!" Mari suddenly interrupted "c'mon Bella!"

Both Faye and Jannah looked overly interested in what Mar was talking about, they turned in my direction and gave me expectant looks. "let's go sit down" I offered, going over and plopping down on the couch like before they had come home, every one followed "well . . . it's kinda hard to explain" I tried "I was upset . . . and really angry and I used, like, telekinesis or something"

"Let's see!" Jannah exclaimed, her eyes bright with wonder

"Well, you see, that's the really odd part, I've been trying really hard but I can't manage to do it again. I attempted to do the same thing over and over and over but . . . nothing worked"

Jannah's smile faded and Faye got a pondering sort of look on her face "that's strange" she said "your power just . . . wouldn't work?"

I nodded "I was really focusing hard on a rock, I kept imagining it moving, but nothing would happen . . . so I got really frustrated and just threw it myself" I couldn't help but smile at the memory

"come on!" much to my surprise Faye immediately jumped up off her spot on the couch "let's go out into the back yard and keep trying to get this thing to work, Bella, wouldn't it be exciting if we could?"

I smiled wider, it would be amazing to know I was gifted in some way, and that I was really unique, not just the same as every other vampire "You think you can really get this to work?" I asked, only slightly hopeful

She nodded "of course I can, this will be no problem at all"

I decided that Faye probably knew what was best when it came to this stuff, much more then I did and that it may just be best to let her do her thing and pull me along back outside.

It was probably about five o'clock now, not that the time really made a difference or mattered at all. But the sun was setting, sinking low into the trees

"okay" Faye said, picking up a rock, probably because that's what I had told her about using to try to make my powers work earlier on, "let's try this" she waited a second, throwing the rock back and forth between her hands.

I watched her, confused. Was I supposed to try focusing on this new stone? I tried, but expected nothing, and nothing happened. "Faye, I—" just as I was about to ask what I was supposed to be doing, Faye whipped the rock at me, giving me only a second's reaction time to catch it "what was that for?" I exclaimed, my mouth slightly hanging open as I held the thing tightly in my hand

"Well," she said, ready to explain her logic "first, I thought maybe it needed to be a snap decision thing, second, I thought maybe it would only work if it was spontaneous, third, maybe you need to be ticked off, you are ticked off at me now, aren't you?"

I smiled "sure am" I affirmed, whipping the stone right back at her. She laughed and dodged it carelessly

"your going to have to do better then that!" she mocked, dodging another assault as I began firing stone after stone at her, Mari and Jannah cheered me on from the side lines, and when it reached the point that I had consistently at least six pebbles in the air at a time I actually began to hit Faye "okay!" she cried "I get the point, you win! Stop it Bella!"

"That's strange" a mysterious voice suddenly said from behind me, I dropped the two rocks in my hands, immediately fell silent, and whipped around. There stood a strange, male, red haired vampire "you never really were one to give up very easily, Faye"

And in a second I got it, this was Faye's friend, the one that was scheduled to come for a visit

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**I like Faye, she may be my favorite madeup character from this story . . .**


	11. A glimpse of Cullen life

**I wanted to have something to post for you guys, but I didn't finish an actual chapter. This is just a quick glance into what is going on the Cullen side of the spectrum and written from Alice's pov. Please enjoy and I hope to have a new chapter soon!**

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I sat with my elbows on the dinning room table and my head in my hands. I was staring rather blankly at the wood grains, not really seeing them. I was trying so hard to unfocus my eyes and have a vision of Bella, after Emmett and I's plan to bring her home had fallen flat on its face and failed miserably I found myself actually considering Carlisle's logic. Maybe, if Bella was happy and safe with the other vampires, then we should just leave it like that. She didn't even know we existed. Well, actually, she knew we existed but she didn't know how much we missed her, or how much less this family was without her. How much less Edward was without her.

Thinking about my broken hearted brother brought to my attention the fact that I couldn't hear him sobbing anymore. Maybe Esme had finally gotten him to settle down. We had made the crucial mistake of coming back from our meeting with the four of them and telling Edward, absolutely first thing, we had found Bella and she was fine. He thought that meant that this was all over. He thought it would be fine now, he and Bella could be together. Then we told him the rest of the story, Bella was a vampire, running with a different crowd, and had no memory of us whatsoever.

Since then I had only been up to his room to see him once. Edward had been curled up in a corner, his face buried in hands, sobbing and nearly literally falling apart. It wasn't good.

"Oh, damn it" I finally muttered darkly at my uselessness. I wanted to have a vision of Bella, and I didn't want to have to wait hours and hours for one. I needed to see her smiling and laughing and happy, to know that all of our heart ache was worth it, for her. Or, even better (as horrible as it was) to see her unhappy, miserable and wishing for a way out. I would be there for her in an instant, Bella would always be part of our family, whether she knew it or not.

"Is everything alright?" Jasper suddenly asked, coming up behind me and rubbing my shoulders slightly

"Of course everything's not alright!" I exclaimed, Jasper quickly rushed to quiet me, knowing Edward would hear, and he really didn't need any more worries or sadness to add to what he was already suffering "Bella . . . its—its not fair. They stole her! If I had five minutes to convince her to come back I know she would"

"She would" Jasper echoed back to me sadly "you know that, and you also know her and Edward are meant for each other. They'll find a way back to each other and it will all be fine"

Maybe he had a slight point. I didn't doubt at all that there could ever possibly be anyone else for my brother or Bella, so they would have to find there way back to each other. Then, finally letting my frustration fall, I slipped into a vision.

_Bella was laughing sweetly, and sitting on someone's lap on a couch. "Nuri, stop it!" she giggled, hunching over her shoulders. And suddenly, with a bit of a start, I realized why. She was sitting on the lap of another boy, his arms were wrapped constrictively around her and he was kissing down her neck. Despite Bella's gleeful state I wanted to cry. This was wrong! "Faye told you to be good while she was gone!" Bella continued to lightly shove at the male, obviously having no intent of actually making him leave her alone._

_"This_ is_ good" he replied, and that's when I decided I couldn't take it any longer. I began to scream, the scene was immediately gone._

"Alice! Alice, what did you see?!" Jasper was in front of me when I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw. He was clearly worried "is she alright?"

I managed to nod, and I could hear Edward's sobs again. Of course he saw exactly what I had seen, and knew exactly what was in store for Bella in the near future

"Then what happened?" Jasper asked, now mostly confused as heck

"She was with someone else" that was all I needed to say, he got it.

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**Please check out my one shots, for they happen to be lonely.**


	12. Back to school?

**This is kind of a lot of boring, semi-important dialogue. I kinda wrote it all last night, while I was kidnapped by my aunt and uncle, so I hope it still sounds okay. Enjoy! Loves!**

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"Nuri!" Faye exclaimed, rushing forward past me to greet him "oh, Nuri, it's been so long!" she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

"Faye!" he laughed, embracing her back. Seeing her so . . . excited seemed a little strange, when I had first met her she had seemed so oddly calm, almost slightly detached, and now Faye was as happy as ever. I was amazed at how much my perspective on my friends was changing.

"Here" she quickly twisted around in his arms "your remember Margareta and Jannah, right?"

He nodded quickly, smiling happily at them "how could I forget two such lovely ladies? It very good to see the both of you again"

They both replied with greetings of there own to him.

"And this is Bella, the one you seemed so eager to meet" Faye gestured to me as she said it, I was still standing slightly off to the side after our little play fight.

" Hi, Nuri" I said kind of weakly, though I tried so hard not to make it sound like that.

"Pleasure to meet you" he waved a little bit in my direction "Faye couldn't say enough good things about you, and she's thrilled to have you with her."

If I was human, and it was physically possible, I would have blushed terribly. "Let's go back inside" Faye suddenly piped up, pulling slightly away from her friend "come on, you haven't seen the new house yet. It's wonderful"

We all shifted back inside. The sun had set now and it was completely dark out, Nuri only had one single suitcase, which he had dropped inside before he came out to greet us. That was the most of his luggage. "So, anyone intend to tell me what was going on with the throwing?" Nuri finally had a chance to ask once he had, had a tour of Faye's beloved house and been assigned to a room

We all took a moment to laugh at the memory. "We were trying to help Bella, she used this power, but she couldn't make it work again for the second time when she tried" Faye informed him.

Nuri looked to me curiously, he had done that a couple times now "fascinating, aren't we Bella?" he asked with a sly smile

"Yep, that's her" Mari had to pat me on the shoulder as she said it

"Oh, yeah right" I muttered, very doubtful I could be considered 'fascinating' by any means.

"You shouldn't let me stop you from keeping trying" Nuri looked just slightly apologetic, like he was worried he was getting in our way. Then, suddenly, a change in his expression. Now it was more 'unless you want my help, because I'd be more then happy to be part of the craziness'. He seemed like the kind of person who very much enjoyed just a touch of insanity in life.

"Thanks for the offer, but I think it's best if we try to push it from our minds for now and come back to try again later" Faye said

He nodded in agreement "spoken strategically, just like my Faye"

She shook her head at him, rolling her eyes too "you never would leave me alone, would you?"

"Never, my darling" his sarcasm caused the four of us to lose it laughing again.

When we all got ourselves back together the air was just a little bit more serious, we had, had our fun and now someone had something important to say. It was Jannah.

"Will Nuri be attending school with us?" she asked. I had nearly forgotten that it was Sunday, the three of them, and maybe Nuri too now, had to go to school tomorrow.

"Well, it depends on how long he intends to stay for" Faye looked over to Nuri as if she desperately wanted him to stay for long enough to go to school.

"I've really got no one to go back too, so I don't see why I wouldn't be able to stay and attend school with you guys"

I almost felt a bit left out when he said that, I was the only one who still couldn't go to school, if I did all of Forks would recognize me from my former life and that would _so_ not be good. Especially if I didn't remember anything and my family were blamed for abducting me.

"Sounds good then" Faye was nearly beaming when she said it. I could tell by how she acted around Nuri that she must be nearly revering of him. Like he was her beloved older brother. There relationship made me happy for some reason, it was just funny to see.

"What about Bella?" Mari spoke out for me, and I was as grateful as heck

"What about her?" Nuri sounded surprised, I guess he hadn't been told about my history. But I guess I should have known he would have said something to me if he did know.

"Oh" Faye laughed at her own absentmindedness "did we forget to tell you? Sorry about that. Bella agreed to have her memory erased, she used to live here before with her father. She's the one that everyone's searching for"

"Hmm" Nuri sounded maybe, _slightly_, just a little bit disappointed. Or maybe I just imagined that "couldn't she technically come to school, just under a different name or something? If you changed her they wouldn't really recognize her, would they? I'm positive she must look quite different"

Mar's expression immediately turned ecstatic, but Jannah seemed to be indifferent, like she was just slightly reverting back to how she had been when I first met her. Faye's expression didn't change either "but then there's . . . The Cullens. What do we do about them? They've already tried to kidnap her back once and I strongly believe they would try to do so again without thinking"

"I say they would be more likely to try to take her if we leave her here alone all day then if she's in a crowded high school" Nuri fought back for my sake, if he could win this for me I would be forever grateful "she'll be fine if she comes with us, just let try for one day, please? You'll be fine, wont you, angel" he leaned forward and lightly punched my shoulder as he said that, as if to show I was tough.

"Please Faye?" I sort of felt like I was begging my mother for something "of course I can handle it, it will be no problem. Please let me go?"

Faye still didn't look any closer to giving into us, but I knew Mar would be on our side for this argument "I don't know, I still think it sounds a bit too risky . . . what if someone _did _recognize her? I don't think it's worth it. And being around the Cullen's may just give them more opportunity. Nuri, how about you don't go to school and stay here with Bella instead?"

"No" I whined, I had my heart set on going now "please? How much trouble can I _really_ get in?" I tried to give her my best innocent look, but she just rolled her eyes

"If you tried, Bella, you could probably murder the whole town in under an hour" she stated with maybe just a hint of dry humor

"Okay, how much trouble can I get in if I'm trying to be good?" I revised

"Yeah, let her come!" like I had assumed, Mari was with Nuri and I. She had looked so excited when the idea was first mentioned

"Jannah?" Faye asked "what do you say?"

Jannah looked up at us but kept quiet, like she was suddenly too shy to speak in front of our little congregation. Her gaze was held, thought

Faye just looked back away from Jannah as if she never asked her input. "I'm still resistant." Faye stated, but I knew we almost had it won.

"Come on!" Nuri probably had the most chance at getting Faye's mind to change "as if we don't already know that, just let us try for half a day even, wouldn't it make you feel a little better knowing Bella's not at home, bored, and wishing she could be involved too?"

Faye changed her expression slightly, now she was undecided and chewing on her lip, obviously guilty about what Nuri said "okay," she gave in "Bella comes to school with us tomorrow, with a new name, and as a different person"

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**I've been drawing countless pictures for this fic (most of Jannah, she's the most fun!) **

**Anyway, I've got a question for everyone. If I were to post the back stories of Jannah, Margareta and Faye (they would probably be one shots) as an accompaniment, would you read them? Please tell me if it would be worth my time! once again, loves!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hahahaha, I don't even remember the number of this chapter, 12 or 13? Guess it doesn't matter.  
I was listening to the Pink Floyd album Dark Side of the Moon. while I wrote this, one of my favs!!!**

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Though I was excited as heck to go to school in a few minutes, I wasn't quite sure why. Once our argument had been won, I had begun to consider why I was so darn excited about this, but the best I could manage to come up with was that I was happy I wouldn't spend countless hours alone with nothing to do and no one to talk to.

I pulled a black camisole over my head, and then a teal v-neck sweater, pausing for only a moment to flip my long brown hair out of the back of both shirts. Turning to look at myself in the full-length, free standing mirror that had been brought in for my use, I had to note I looked more like I was going for a job interview then to a high school, especially with my long, past—my—knees grey skirt.

"Come on Bella! We're going to be late if you don't hurry up!" I could hear the excitement in Mari's voice when she called to me, and with one last glance at myself in the mirror I was downstairs in the front hall. "You look great!" Mar exclaimed, pulling me into a tight hug, kissing me on the cheek, and then quickly disappearing out the front door, to the car where everyone was waiting.

All I needed to do was grab my rain coat and backpack and then I was off too, I hopped into the backseat of the Concord.

Faye was driving, like she usually did, and Nuri sat beside her in the passenger seat. "So what are we going to call Bella, if we can't use her normal name?" Mar was the one to ask the question, and I couldn't believe I had completely forgotten about that part of the decision to let me come to school.

"We could just call her by her nickname" Jannah offered, despite how she had been acting last night she was back to 100 per-cent normal. This girl could be confusing.

"I've been thinking about that" Faye said "but Tessia just sounds like a nickname, too much like one. And we can't play off Bella or Isabella, it need to be completely original and not make them think of the old Bella in the least. I was thinking about Teresa"

"So we can still call her Tessia without anyone asking any questions?" Mar sounded even more excited then before, and if I wasn't witnessing it I wouldn't have believed it possible. It really was a good idea, using my completely—unrelated—to—my—real—name—nickname.

"Yes, exactly" Faye turned around and smiled at us, paying no attention to the road for a moment

"Teresa" Nuri tried out "I think I prefer Bella"

"I think I might too" I said, now considering it for the first time "oh well, what ever it takes to finally be included"

We were pulling into the school parking lot then, and I was trying so hard to keep the huge smile off my face, I assumed it must look a little unnatural on my first day of high school to look like I had just won a million dollars.

"So" Faye stopped the car and she and Nuri both twisted around to face us three in the back "we can say Nuri and you are both our cousins, if that's okay with you two"

"Would that make us brother and sister or what?" Nuri inquired

Faye nodded "I think that would make the story most believable and easiest to explain, but only if you think that's okay"

We both agreed and everyone proceeded to get out of the vehicle, my excitement was nearly too much to bear.

We had parked fairly close to the school building, not that it would have made even a slight difference if we had parked farther away. "So you two head up to the office, there, okay? And we'll see you at lunch, if not during a class sometime" Faye gave Nuri and I each a quick kiss on the cheek and then they were all off.

The walk up to the office was silent, and I wondered slightly if Nuri was as excited as I was.

The building was a little too warm, maybe even uncomfortably if I had been human. But I barely noticed now. "Oh, hello there" a woman with thick, frizzy red hair said, stepping more towards the counter to greet us. She had wide eyes and funny little glasses which were comically out of date.

"Hello" Nuri replied, smiling brightly "this is my sister, Teresa, and I'm Nuri"

"Well then" she chirped in a quite friendly way "welcome to Forks High School, I'm Ms. Cope"

~*~*~*~

The first half of the day was extremely boring, but no where near boring enough to curb my enthusiasm. I didn't have any classes with Nuri, as we both learned quickly while comparing schedules outside of the office. And I wasn't in a class with Faye, Mari or Jannah. But the good thing was I wasn't in a class with any of the other vampires, the Cullens. No short-haired little girl who looked like she was about to burst out crying if given the opportunity. And no scary one to throw me over his shoulder and kidnap me anywhere, if he was even young enough to go to school. And none of the others either, that was something I was hugely thankful for.

Walking into the cafeteria brought on a thousand conversations, all at once. It was something I was trying to force myself to grow accustom to, and I was fairly sure I was getting better after just the morning. But hearing the conversations over a thousand of school kids at once was really annoying. Especially when many were about you.

I was the last one of the five of us to arrive, Nuri, Faye, Mar, and Jannah were all seated at one of the tables. I didn't let my eyes wander at all, I looked straight ahead to where I was destined. If they were here, didn't want to see them. And if they weren't I still didn't want to see them.

My main focus was blocking out this back ground noise as I made my way quickly to our table, but there was one voice I couldn't, one that stood out amongst the chatter and pierced my own thoughts. "thank God Edward isn't here today" it was the girls voice, Alice, just as hurt, as rejected, as tearful, as in pain as when I had heard her last. She sounded so . . . depressed again. I quickened my pace.

"Hey Tess!" Nuri was first to greet me, pushing out the chair beside him "how've you been?"

"Great" I smiled to my friends, trying not to be bothered by the voice. But it bothered me, even if just slightly. Suddenly I found myself drowning in the fear, pain, and desperation of before, when I had first used me power. To compensate I threw myself full force into the conversation "it sucks I don't have any classes with anybody" I said a little over dramatically, and to fast too, throwing myself down in to the chair.

No one noticed really, they all agreed that it was rather bad luck that we didn't end up in a class together, but were hopeful the second half of the day would be a little more kind to us.

"Its okay" Mar said, cheerful as ever "we could probably talk to Ms. Cope and get our schedules altered, or something along those lines"

"I'm fine" I said, trying to sound carefree "I'll get to meet some new people this way"

We all remained silent for just a second as we listened to the Cullen's conversation. "I say we go over there right this second" it was him, the scary one, so he _was_ at school

"No, we just leave her alone, don't even bother" it was one whose voice I had never heard before, a female "there's-there's nothing more we can do"

"Alice?" Emmett asked

"We leave her alone." She affirmed defeatedly "at least . . . for now"

Faye was staring off into space with a vacant expression. But the other four of us kept our eyes on each other. There was no more discussion from the opposite side of the cafeteria.

When our lunch period was over we made our way out of the cafeteria quickly, not wanting to get stuck trying to avoid the eyes of the Cullens who attend school. We were fairly successful.

Because of our promptness of leaving, I was a couple minutes early for English, my next class. When I arrived I just took a seat at the very back of the class, and that's where I sat and waited while all the other students filed in around me.

One of the last people to come in was a boy with light blond hair. A vampire with light blond hair, one I recognized from the meeting that had taken place days ago now. He hadn't said a word but looked as distraught as all the others. Without hesitation, and without taking his eyes off me for a second, he took a seat right beside me.

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**Jasper and Bella aren't in the same grade, are they?  
Oh well, I wanted her to be in a class with one of the Cullens and Jasper is awesome, so there.**


	14. I understand

**This may be just a little too short (or a lot to short...) but I really wanted to post more!  
This could possible be my favorite chapter yet...**

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I didn't really feel as scared as I thought I would be, I felt like all I had to do was hold my head high, and not show him any weakness. No problem.

I rested my elbows on my desk and my head in my hands, paying not the slightest attention to my seating partner in the least. Once the class had begun it wasn't long before a note was slipped lightly onto my desk. I had to wonder, before I read it, had I expected one?

_All of this mess was my fault, Bella. I would like to say I am truly sorry_. The note read, I just scowled at it for a moment, and then realized I probably had some form of obligation to reply.

_I'm fine, forget about it_. I shoved the note right back at him.

In a second it was returned to me_. I am worried about it. You are most definitely not fine. And I have a very strong feeling you don't completely know what is going on_.

For some reason his assumption kinda ticked me off. _I most definitely know what is going on_. I wrote quickly _I'm sitting in an English class._

Reading the boys next note, his words had sort of a calm to them. It was strange. _You know that's not what I mean, Bella. Please don't be like that._ You would think he would at least _slightly_ be angry at me.

_I'm Teresa here_. I corrected

_Wherever you go, you are the Bella we all know and love. I will not have anyone, including you, tell me otherwise. _

I could feel myself getting more and more angry. Why couldn't he just respect what I wanted to be called? _Whatever you want to tell me, I don't care. I don't know who you are, any of you. And I don't see why you can't leave me ALONE._

The note took longer to be returned to me, like he was considering his answer. Or he was just making it really long. _I'm Jasper, now you know who I am. You are already acquainted with Alice and Emmett, I have been told. Then there's Rosalie, she's at school today too. _That must have been the other female I heard at lunch. _Carlisle, he is the founder of our family and created everyone except Alice and I, our mother Esme, and Edward. We cannot leave you alone because Edward is your mate and off doing horrible without you_.

When I read it all of me froze, it was the feeling. I was scared, I was alone, I was worthless . . . insignificant. My hands shook and before I could even begin to contemplate what to do or how to reply Jasper snatched the note back from me and quietly crumpled it. I watched from the corner of my eye as he shoved it into his pocket.

The rest of the class was spent trying to compose myself. It wasn't too hard, but it took nearly the whole period. By the time the class was finished I was under control, with thoughts of my friends to keep it pushed from my mind. Laughing with Nuri and Mar, and trying to figure this power thing out with Faye and Jannah.

I hurried my way out of the class but once I was outside of the building Jasper caught my arm. "Bella—" he began to say. I whipped around

"There's a _reason_ no ones going around calling me that in public" I snapped at him sharply. He didn't let go of my arm.

"I'm sorry, alright? I understand, I'm sorry" he didn't look overly sorry, or like her was enjoying not calling me Bella much

"I don't care if you're sorry" I tried to jerk my arm back from him "let go of me, now"

"Listen, I feel emotions, I know you're scared. I can explain everything to you; you need to let me explain. I get it now, I can help"

It was hard not to scream my head off at him, I had to hiss through my teeth "I don't have to listen to a thing you say!" I was terrified at the thought of him knowing everything I felt. Like he had already given example to, my fear, my weakness, my uncertainty . . .

"Calm" he whispered quietly, and suddenly I felt it. I was just realizing it must be his stupid power as Alice slid in behind him, seemingly out of nowhere. He dropped his hand from my arm, the feeling was nearly completely gone instantly.

"Jasper, what's going on?" she asked quietly

"I understand" he replied equally as quiet "she—she remembers the exact _wrong_ point in time. When Edward left . . . she feels like that whenever she hears his name . . . or any reminder . . ."

He faded out as fast foot-falls became audible from behind me. They were at a quick pace, a human run. There were four of them; I already knew who had come to my rescue.

In an instant Nuri's arms were wrapped around my shoulders, "are you alright?" he whispered into me ear.

"Fine now" I sighed, relaxing back into him. I was so comforted to have someone there standing with me, of course Nuri would make it all better. Though I had to admit, I was the slightest bit curious about what Jasper was saying, reminders of what? It hadn't really been a completed thought.

"Go to class" I heard Faye scowl at Alice and Jasper from beside me "and don't come near her again, or you _will_ regret it" (**A/N: would have loved to hear Rose's reaction to that!**)

"You have no right to threaten us like that, Bella is not your property" Alice said stubbornly, looking unaffected

" She's protecting me" I clarified

"Yes" Faye said to me "now, we all _need_ to get to class before a teacher comes out to ask us what is going on here"

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**Me and my friend Alisha randomly made a trailer for this story... then we made a second one. Strange, what boredom will do to you.  
I am also getting super-excited about this now! I want to write 24/7 and keep getting in trouble during class... I'm constantly spaced out!**


	15. him

**Man, this is kinda getting exciting! Must be the entrance of Edward... that's why I'm so hyped up. Hope you enjoy!**

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Once again, for my second day at school, I was excited. But this time I knew exactly why, unlike the first day. I was utterly ready to go to school and prove how ignorant I could be of the Cullens. Regardless of anything, I didn't care. Whoever they thought I was, who ever I had been, I wasn't that person anymore.

"So how about we get back at it with the rock throwing tonight?" of course Faye's question wasn't literal, she meant that we should try again with trying to make my power work. I smiled at the thought of that. Maybe I could finally get some _real_ revenge.

"Sounds pretty good to me" I smiled slyly, plotting now.

Nuri laughed out loud and threw his arm over my shoulder. Today he was in the back and Jannah sat shot gun. "Finally I get my turn at this! I bet I'll be able to knock some sense into our dear Bella"

I turned over to him and playfully wrinkled my nose, sticking out my tongue too. "I have enough sense to know when I'm being made fun of" I shot back

He just laughed again, leaning forward and kissing my forehead. Just like Mar had said he sounded over the phone, Nuri was interested in me, and I loved the attention.

The rest of the ride was spent with quiet chatter, a usual thing for us. We parked in a nearly the same spot as yesterday, if not the exact same one.

"We'll see you at lunch, right Tessia?" Nuri smiled at me and winked as we began to head our separate ways. It was half just a signal it was time to switch names.

"Yep, bye" I smiled back, off towards my first class of the day

~*~*~*~

Just like the day before, the first half of today was uneventful and boring nearly to the point of tears, the exact opposite of what was to come after out lunch break. Not that I knew that yet.

Walking up to the cafeteria I expected it to go the same too, everything else had so far. I would avoid any eye contact until I got safely to the table and then I would be able to enjoy the time with my family. But Faye was waiting outside for me, a tight look on her face. As soon as she saw me she gave a very small smile, it almost looked like a forced duplicate of the serene one that she usually wore.

"Is everything okay?" I asked nervously, it really didn't look like it.

"Perfectly fine" she said to me "we just decided that it was best if you stayed by some one while you're near the Cullens… all of them are here today. We were just a little bit worried, and we thought maybe—"

"I understand" I cut Faye off, she really wasn't one to pointlessly ramble for no real reason, so I didn't like the fact that she was now "lets just go inside"

She nodded and took my hand, pushing the door open. As we headed silently over to where Jannah, Nuri, and Mar sat waiting for us. I didn't hear Alice talking this time, or any of them for that matter, but I didn't doubt Faye in saying all of them were here today.

Finally when we reached the safety of the table, I couldn't help but feel huge relief. We were home free now. "How are you doing?" Nuri immediately asked, his smile was genuine, and not forced like Faye's had been, as he took my hand affectionately

Before I had time to reply or sit down, there was a low growl from across the room, something only audible to someone with super-human hearing. My eyes immediately went wide, and I stood dead still. What reason did they have to be snarling at us? It kind of scared me… Suddenly there was an accompaniment to the noise "Edward stop it! What is your problem?" Alice hissed violently

Nuri ran his hand over my shoulder to try to relax me. "Its okay Tess" he said quietly. I looked over to the other three, there looks were reassuring too.

"That's why I walked in with you, its okay though. Don't worry yourself over it" Faye leaned forward and put her head so it rested on her folded hands. Either she was getting better at fake-smiling or she was calmer now.

I bit my lip, worrying myself over it without hesitation.

"I told you, this was a bad idea, I told you" Alice was murmuring again, but I didn't know who to though.

"No…" the reply was faint, barely recognizable as the one who had been growling a second ago. It was so…weak now. "It wasn't a bad idea . . . it really wasn't"

I looked over to Faye, wishing I (or any of us) had some answers, some clue as to what the heck was going on. To my amazement and surprise Faye did. "Its Edward…you know about him, right?" I nodded, Alice had kind of explained to me "well, he wanted to come to school today…to see you. He half didn't believe that we erased your memory"

"Ohhhhhh…" I faded off. I kind of wanted to turn around and look at the others on the other side of the room, I was curious, who wouldn't be? But I didn't dare let my eyes shift over there, I didn't doubt they—or he—was watching me.

"Stop thinking about her like that!" there was another hiss, directed at Nuri from…Edward?

Nuri turned around in his seat "how do you know what I'm thinking?" he hissed back, I didn't like to see Nuri mad, it didn't seem like him.

I kind of thought this may be my wanted chance to finally turn around and look too but I just couldn't bring myself to. Why?

"I can read everyone's thoughts, except Bella's. Now stop it!"

Nuri didn't seem to mind it in the least that this kid knew his every thought, and I was thankful I was an exception, though it confused the crap out of me. "I'll think about her however I want. She's not yours, she never was."

I heard Edward jump up from the other side of the cafeteria, someone caught his chair before it had time to crash to the floor and draw any attention. Were all the humans here really as oblivious as they seemed? We were talking to quiet to be heard, but they couldn't possibly _not_ notice.

"Stop it!" Alice was trying to keep him under control, but from her voice I could tell she just about wanted to kill Nuri too. "Stop it, Edward, your being irresponsible"

"Yeah, seriously, cool it" Nuri was having fun now and by Faye, Mar, and Jannah's expressions I could tell they were amused too. I decided to give in, I turned around "if you wanted her you shouldn't have left her for dead"

Over on the other side of the room it seemed a little less calm then here. The Cullens all just sat there, with slightly hostile expressions, while Alice tried to restrain Edward, but not to look like she was retraining him.

A few of the humans sitting and actually eating watched them in confusion, but no one managed to link the small upset to us, it just looked like they were acting very_, very_ strangely.

Edward himself was the only one I had never seen before, his eyes were as dark as I was sure they could get, and his hair was careless. Of course, at the sight of the one I had heard so much about, the painful feeling washed over me. It was really getting to me, this thing. Could it be my reaction to Edward? Some… some feeling I had associated with him? I thought about Jasper's words yesterday "she remembers the exact _wrong_ point in time… when Edward left… she feels like that when she hears his name… any reminders…" it was like piecing together a puzzle. No one would tell me any direct answers, I was on my own to figure them out.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Bella…" Edward looked so defeated now, his arms dropped to his sides.

I even surprised myself when I spoke, especially because of how cold and detached I sounded "I'm not Bella anymore, and for the most I know I never was" I sounded so strong. Nuri wrapped his arms around me, and that ended our lunch time conversation.

Knowing English was my first class after lunch, and Jasper would be there, unnerved me a bit. But I just kept asking myself what was the worst that could happen? I had a feeling they wouldn't try to kidnap me again, and if they did I kind of had a back up plan with the telekinesis thing and all. And other then that I had already decided I didn't care what he said to try to convince me to believe the Cullen side of the story of my life. I had my mind set on making it through the period without one sign of weakness.

When I got to class Jasper was waiting there, outside the room. Like this was our routine and something done on a daily basis. He smiled, not happily, but politely. "Teresa?" at least he had now decided to call me what I wanted to be called.

I gave him a cold, hard glare. I didn't like how just five minutes ago he had been so tense but now he was acting like my best friend. I didn't waste my time replying, but he followed me into the class room anyway.

The period passed with less then five words exchanged between Jasper and I, and no notes this time. We didn't really _ignore_ each other, well, I might have been, but we more just sat there. When class finally ended and I intended to just hurry off to whatever I had next, but Jasper had other plans. He followed my quick movements, stalking me out of the room.

I ground my teeth together, knowing he was doing this completely intentionally. I jumped around to face him once we were out of the way of the door enough. He just smiled at me "I wanted to walk you to your next class. Is that alright?"

I narrowed my eyes, even more suspicious now. "No, you can't. So stop stalking me"

He looked strangely understanding. I absolutely hated it. Why was he suddenly acting like this?

Jasper and I headed in our own, opposite directions. I was off to biology next. Yesterday it had been a nice break after the English; I was able to sit alone because of the uneven numbers in that class and I didn't doubt that I would today too. I sat myself in the back of the class, I preferred it there because then nobody could watch me or steal glances without a teacher noticing. Mar had told me over and over to just get used to having all eyes on me, it was the vampire beauty, but being watched was still something I would rather not have to consider "normal". It was creepy.

The students were laughing and joking and taking there seats now, I always seemed to be early so I watched everyone socializing and having there fun. I was content with that, until suddenly there was a very slight, but startled intake of breath. I recognized it in an instant, though I really didn't know the one who it belonged too. My body nearly went numb all over and I fought the impulse to look over at Edward.

His foot steps were light as he walked over and easily slipped down into the seat next to me. "Teresa?" his voice was weak "is that what you wish to be called now?"

"You could call me the Wicked Witch of the West for all I care" I half snarled back at him. But on the inside I was dying. My hands clenched the sides of my chair and I wasn't breathing, and if it was possible to feel every single emotion ever known to man all at once then that must be what was going on for me. I was one word away from either exploding or having a break down.

"I would do it, if it made you happy… but it won't, will it?" he whispered, his breathing was soft.

I kept staring on ahead, my eyes unfocused. I couldn't give in to my draw to turn and look at him. I couldn't. Something told me that one glimpse of the face I had seen from across the cafeteria this morning would make me lose it "of course it would" my voice wasn't sarcastic, like I intended the remark to be, it was airy and detached

"Look at me, Bella, look at me please" he begged. That's when class started and it was announced by the teacher we would be copying a note down. Had I ever been more relived in my life? I didn't remember.

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**Five imaginary bucks (I'm kinda broke in real money after buying a video camera, and you don't want to have to deal with currency exchanges) to whoever knows which song the line "dark eyes and careless hair" comes from. One of my faves!!!**

**I also know what's going to happen in the next chapter, but at a loss after that. Inform me of what you'd like to see go down!**


	16. Train Wreck

**I'm leaving on a family vacation to Florida sometime next week, I really hope our hotel has free Internet. But regardless of if I have a connection down there, I know I won't have any access for the three day drive down. I hope to have one or maybe two more updates before I leave. And I'll be writing like mad while I'm gone!**

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It was just a little bit more then tense for the rest of the class, at least for me. I had to wonder if Edward was feeling it too.

We both remained quiet, and I utterly depend on the fact that after this class I could just take off, maybe fake sick or something and be able to go home. But what I didn't take into account was Edward. The second I jumped up with my books in hand he seized my arm, holding—or more restraining—me. Like before I wouldn't turn and face him.

"I need to talk to you" he stated, his words were spoken softly but with a strong finality

"No, you don't" I shot back. I tried to tug my arm away from him, but it didn't work.

"Yes, I do, please; I won't even make you late for your next class"

I took an even, deep, breath and slowly turned around to face him; my intent was to utterly tell Edward off, but that was no where near what happened.

With one slight glance I gasped and my jaw dropped. It wasn't because of his appearance or anything else external like that. It was because of the train of images racing through my mind.

It was everything…everything that I ever was, everything that I ever had felt… pain slammed into me, knocking the wind out of my like I was being hit full force, but there was so much else. . .Love, acute to the point that it was need. Happiness, the thought that maybe life just couldn't get any better, then more pain, I felt like I was about to collapse. One scene in particular stood out, we were in a meadow of some sort . . . Edward and I? His forehead was pressed hard against my neck. I was dead still, I barely breathed, it was silent. One of the most surprising things was that fact that I was human.

I when I tore myself out of my reverie I had to grab onto Edward's shoulders for support. "Are you . . .?" he began to ask but in a second I had won back my level-headedness. He half had his arms wrapped around me when I shoved away from him roughly.

"Get . . . away from me!" I tore away, screaming in my head at myself to keep my pace human. Whatever had just gone on . . . it was the most pain I had ever been it, both emotionally and physically. With my mind racing I slammed through the double doors out of the school and was and was running through the parking lot. The only thought that possibly restrained me from moving at a faster rate the then most vehicles could was that once I hit the line of trees I knew I would able to take off.

And that's what I did, the second I was past the first line of trees I really began to run. While I tore past the trees, my long hair whipping out behind me, I began feeling fractionally better. I could think more clearly while I was out like this. Sure, I was going to have a bit of a mess to clean up back at school, but at least for now I felt safe.

I finally stopped after a little while, dropping myself abruptly to the rain soaked earth. It was kind of spongy and damp but if only things like that were my worst problems.

No, I definitely had worse to worry about. I needed to know what had gone on back it the school, it was like… some sort of flashback, but that couldn't have been a memory from my life before I was a vampire, could it? No, it couldn't possibly be. I fought with myself for any possible explanation, but there was so little. Could it be one of the Cullens powers to make me see things what I thought were real? That would be so wrong, they couldn't do that, they didn't see how much pain they were causing me! Or, well, Edward might now. He _had_ just witnessed my little breakdown.

With a deep sigh I when to go pull myself up, but found my knees to weak to stand. In a second I was crumpled back down on the ground, sobbing now. I was so much weaker then I assumed of myself. It was pathetic.

Here I was, a _vampire_, a merciless predator, and I couldn't even hold my emotions in for a routine day at school. No wonder the Cullens had supposedly "used me" that was probably all I was good for. Or worthy of.

I was such a train wreck, lying there sobbing and falling apart. I felt like I was screwing up everybody's lives.

"Bella! Bella!" I recognized the voice in an instaint, it was Nuri.

"go away before I ruin your life anymore!" I yelled back, secretly I wanted him to come find and reassure me.

"Bella, you didn't ruin anyone's life!" Nuri appeared into my view as he said it, next he wasn't calling anymore, his voice was soft and understanding "where would you get such a crazy idea? You have never come anywhere remotely close"

"I have so" I muttered darkly back at him, watching his orange hair swirl as he shook his head vigorously

"No you haven't, now stop saying that" he came over and knelt down before me. He had a strange look in his eyes, worry. Nuri was definitely worried about something "don't even be concerned about what when on today, we'll go home and—" as he said that I got it. I didn't know how or why it suddenly came but it did. I got it.

"Your worried I remember and I wanted to go with the Cullens" I stated, a little shocked.

By his expression I could immediately tell my comprehension was correct, "I'm sorry Bella" he said quietly "I just don't want to lose you, not to them, not to anybody, can we please go home?"

I smiled faintly, his explanation seemed feasible enough "we can go home" I affirmed. He smiled too and slid forward, gathering me in his strong arms

Before Nuri took off running I had a question to ask, something that I desperately needed to get cleared up. "Back there…were those really memories?" I asked softly I was terrified of the answer.

"Sorry darling, I don't actually know" he sounded kind of… sad when he said it, was it disappointment that he couldn't give me a real answer? "I don't even know a hundred percent what went on. But don't be upset or anything. I know life a little hectic right now but it will settle out. It will."

"I hope so" I muttered, absentmindedly reaching up and laying my hand on his cheek

"I hope so too" there was a softer smile on his lips now one I assumed I was mirroring "let's go home"

Before I could agree we were flying through the trees like I had been earlier.

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**Don't eat me for that. . . please don't eat me for that. I promise there'll be lots of Cullen goodness in then next chapter! (if it all goes as planned, which it never does. . .)**

**I also have the first back story up, please check it out for me!!**


	17. A lighter side of Jannah kind of

**Okay, maybe not Cullen-y goodness but there is Edward-y goodness. Which I think I might have gone just a bit over board with (I was listening to Sarah McLachlan's "Do What You Have to do" and it made me want to write a bunch of depressing stuff!)**

**Whoop! please enjoy :)**

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My legs were swung out of my bedroom window, and I was hunched over so I was mostly all of me above my shoulders was outside too. The sky was mostly clear of all the clouds, and stars twinkled far above me. The clarity of tonight especially surprised me because of the rain that had come down without end today. And a night like this was pretty rare in Forks to begin with, so I was enjoying it.

Since the incident that afternoon at school, I had recovered pretty fast. After a number of hours and calming and reassuring from Nuri and the rest of the gang when they got home from school I was better. Completely back to my usual self.

Faye, Mar, and Jannah wouldn't tell me if there had been any consequences to me just running out of school like that, they probably didn't want to upset me anymore then I already had been. Regardless though I had quite a feeling I wouldn't be attending school again for awhile.

After awhile of chatting I had asked for some alone-time, being around every one all the time made it hard to really try to figure things out, and I needed all the time to figure things out that I could.

So I decided that sitting here was perfect for my thinking time, who could possibly have any trouble thinking in such a beautiful setting?

Suddenly I heard light footsteps up the stairs and down the hall. Then the door opened. I turned my head around and there was Jannah, smiling and shaking her head slightly.

"I'm not suicidal, honestly" I joked after I had pulled my body back in from the cool night air on the other side if the window.

She just closed the door and kept on shaking her head, walking slowly over to me "hmmmm, what gives me the feeling your telling the truth?" she asked me back

"you just trust me" I replied " it has nothing at all to do with the fact jumping out of this window would cause the ground more pain then it would me"

She laughed a sweet little laugh and came right over to the window, pulling herself up onto the desk beside me "so what would you be doing anyway, anything in particular?"

"Not really, just enjoying the nice weather I guess"

Jannah laughed out loud again at that "man, this place is depressing as hell most of the time, isn't it? It's nice to know there actually some sky above those clouds"

"Sure is" I laughed along with her "ate least we don't have to worry a whole lot about all the sun and stuff"

"What, you think we live here because it was exotic? Of course we picked this location because of the rain. That's why the other vampires are here too"

With a deep breath at the thought of the other vampires I turned back to the window, looking out over the view of the forest and the sky. If I had been human I probably would have been able to see much more then dark blue and black, but I could see every colour vividly now, just darkened in hue.

Suddenly I heard Jannah slide down off the desk and put her hands on my shoulders. She leaned her head forward so her lips were right by my ear. Then she whispered: "you curious about them aren't you?" it was so quiet I nearly didn't catch it, so I had a feeling the others a floor below would be oblivious too

"What" I asked a little shakily. That had been exactly what I was thinking about.

"Its okay" she continued compassionately "aren't you a little interested in the Cullens? Don't you want to know a little bit more about them? I would in your situation"

"Well. . . I guess" I stumbled, still a little surprised. I had lowered my voice to her level now

"You should go check them out then" she leaned forward and pointed out towards the forest, her dark hair fell over my shoulders

"But—but I can't" I said in shock, looking over at her face. She was faced out towards the landscape and smiling happily. I just continued stared at her face in amazement

"I'll go with you if that would make you feel any better" she offered, she had to be kidding me

"Jannah that's a stupid idea" I whisper—exclaimed

"Dearest Bella" she huffed with mock frustration, she had a slightly sarcastic smile on now "hasn't anyone ever told you that life's to short not to take risks? Nothing ventured nothing gained, right?"

I rolled my eyes at her though I was laughing "I may have heard that saying before. . . I just can't quite remember where though. But I have to say I have a feeling whoever the heck said it didn't have vampires in mind.

She just kept smiling "to bad that's a pretty crappy excuse. So go, I'll cover for you back here, as long as you're back by dawn"

"I feel kind of like Cinderella, but with a longer time frame" I noted dryly "but are you sure this is a good idea?"

"What, does that make me your fairy godmother? And what about Mar and Faye, are they the evil stepsisters? Hey, your right, that works out perfectly, because Nuri can be you wicked stepmother, that seems about right for him. I still don't think I should have to be the godmother though. . ."

"Oh come on!" I swatted at her blindly with one hand "you dodging the topic. Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Positive" she was less joking now, more reassuring "by no means do we want you to fell like a prisoner in your own home, it will be fine"

I took one last deep breath and wasn't quite sure what to say "uhh . . . thanks. I guess" I sort of murmured. My mind was absorbed in if I was going to finally figure out all this pain . . . and if that today had actually been a memory. Edward would know.

"No sweat kid, now get lost" she playfully shoved me when she said that, causing me to have to grab onto the window frame for support so I wouldn't fall out

"You get lost" I muttered back at her. She was already gone.

In a second I had turned back to the window and ducked myself back out of it again. With one last look to the ground below, forest ahead, and moon above me, I jumped and took off into the night.

~*~*~*~

Edward's POV

I was at a loss as to what had gone on with Bella at school today. One minute . . . I though I had made a breakthrough, she had grabbed my shoulders and I thought maybe, just maybe, she would be back to her old self. She would remember me. But then she had shoved me away and ran. I wanted so terribly to follow her; I knew I could comfort Bella. I would hold her in my arms and make whatever had scared her go away, but she wouldn't let me.

_He_ wouldn't let me, the one who tore past me the second Bella disappeared and threw himself after her before my thoughts were collected. Of course Alice was there in a second too, trying to calm me and reminding me not to do anything I would regret doing with so many humans watching and listening, but I was furious. How was I supposed to just let them go about there lives knowing that I could be with Bella now? I couldn't. I couldn't.

It—it just wasn't fair. Bella was mine, and I was hers. Forever. I knew I had made a stupid, unforgivable mistake, but if I had know she would just end up a vampire anyway, if I knew that she would have been in so much suffering as a human. . .

I had out—right failed Bella. And, thinking about it like that, maybe this was my punishment, what I deserved for making some one as pure as her suffer. She was with them now, the family who had replaced us. And now she had him, and, as it was obvious from his thoughts, he loved her. He loved Bella like I loved her. She didn't want me anymore and all I had left to do was to come to terms with it.

It depressed the hell out of me but it was the truth.

I half crumpled down onto the leather couch of my bedroom, picking up a loose photo of Bella and I. when I had first heard my love was missing I had immediately retrieved some of the things stashed under her floorboards. Some of these pictures had just been one of the many belongings.

She looked so beautiful in the picture, I didn't know how she ever could have considered herself plain. She had joy in her eyes and a soft smile on her lips. The only thing ruining the picture was me. I felt like I should be crying, and was ashamed I wasn't. Bella was worth far more then just crying over.

Slowly the sound of quiet foot falls came into range, light, soft, running feet. For a second I wondered who was coming, one of Bella's new coven no doubt. But I knew it wouldn't be her. They cared too much about her to send her off alone. Would it be _him_? I could imagine him coming to tell us all off, to tell us to stay away from Bella at all costs or he would file for a restraining order.

Of course we would oblige, then we would probably leave and never come back. Bella would never know my devotion towards her, or my need for her, or how much I would give for just 30 seconds to tell her how much she meant to me.

I needed a distraction, I couldn't think like that. It wouldn't happen. I loved her so much . . . so much . . . everything would have to work out.

I began focusing on the distant sound of running, over analyzing the _thump, thump, thump_. That's when I realized something, the foot falls sounded exactly like Bella's had when she took off today. Of course, even for vampires, it was hard to differentiate exactly who it was just by the sound of there foot steps, but there was one other thing that gave it away that Bella was the one that was coming. Silence. All I could hear was the usual thoughts of my family, if it had been anyone else in the whole world I would have known what they were thinking. Without a breath I shoved the photograph into my back pocket and flew down the stairs and into the front hall.

I was about to throw the door open when I felt a hand on my shoulder, without turning around or opening my mouth I knew it was Carlisle and that he was wondering about why the heck I was so eager to get to our visitor. _Edward, calm down. Who is it and why can't you wait for them to come here?_

"It's Bella and because I need to see her!" I yelled, running out the door and into the silent night. Bella was getting closer now, she had probably heard my yelling. But that didn't matter, as long as she was still on her way. And she was.

We finally came face to face in what you barely had room to call a clearing. The absence of about two trees was all that made the slight difference in the constancy of the forest.

Bella's hair was slightly straighter then it had been when she was human. And obviously she had become more beautiful, something I had always assumed to be impossible; I always considered Bella as perfect as one person could be before. Other then those two things she really didn't look to much different.

"Hi. . . Edward" Bella finally managed to choke out awkwardly. I didn't know if any time spent with her could ever feel awkward to me. It was just perfect in my eyes, we were meant to be with each other.

"Hello Bella" I smiled back, trying to make her feel more comfortable. In secrecy all I wanted was to pull her into my arms and hold her for the rest of forever. I would never have to let her go. "What can I do for you on this evening?"

"Uhh . . . well . . ." she was looking down at her hands, twisting them nervously together. I hated to see her so confused and scared and unsure of every thing. But all I could do for Bella was alleviate any pressure I had one her, act like it didn't tear me apart inside she didn't remember anything about me at all, and be there for her.

"Anything Bella, you don't need to be afraid of me, or Alice, or any of my family for that matter. We love you"

She stopped playing with her hands and look up to me then. Her eyes were a bit colder now, more detached, as was her voice "I want to know Edward . . . what did you do to me while I was human?"

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**Guess what? I got a story for you all, it's called Melissa and Jeremy by: twilightkristy. It's a really good story and I really want her to continue it but she won't if she doesn't get more of a response!! Please read and review the lovely fic!**

**Hey, guess what else? My dad's reading New Moon and becoming a Jacob person, it's terrible!!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Greetings from a not-so-sunny Florida!**

**When I started writing this chapter I continued on with Edward's pov without really thinking about it, so that's the explanation for the three lines of his pov. (sorry...)**

**And I know it's been a little while since I updated, and I left you at that darn cliffie, so here the new chapter finally is! I really hope it live up to what you expected, man you people seem to have high hopes! Anyway, read on! **

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Edward's pov

Hearing that was like a painful stab from a knife "I loved you" I said shamefully "and that alone was enough to completely destroy your life"

She was silent for a moment, then she finally spoke again "what—what I remembered today when I saw your face. It wasn't all bad"

That gave me the slightest fraction of hope. I had something to work off of, I would be able to get _my_ Bella back. "I want to show you something" I told her, slowly walking up towards where she stood and pulling the photo out of my back pocket as I did. I had nearly forgotten about it.

~*~*~*~  
Bella's pov

I watched Edward slowly slide over to me, his eyes gauging my expression the whole time. By the time he finally reached where I stood, being careful and going slow to show he meant no harm, he had something in his hand, something he had pulled out of his pocket.

"I want to show you this picture" Edward said quietly, handing over the small photo

I had to look at it for a moment before I got it. It was Edward and_ me_. "Holy—holy crow" I murmured "that's me" I was trying so hard to remember where and when the photo was taken. It was painful, the kind of word—on—the—tip—of—your—tongue pain.

I had long brown hair; the same as now pretty much, but there were a hundred thousand differences between me and the Bella of the picture too. She had no where near as even of a completion as I did now, and I hadn't had as pale skin back the either. All I could do was gape at the picture.

"Your going to have to be a little more informative then most people would need to be" Edward joked softly from by my side "remember, I don't know what you're thinking"

At the soft tone in his voice I immediately went tense. Something internally screamed at me not to do this again, not to let him get like that on me. Not to let him think he had gotten through to me, and not to let him think he possibly could. Being screamed at was far better then my earlier anguish, so I listened.

"I don't want you to know what I'm thinking" I practically hissed back

Edward took a deep breath, obviously in response to my sudden bitterness. He probably thought I was bipolar by now "I understand that" he said

Suddenly the rest on them, _all_ of them, were behind him in support. I felt more threatened, but held it together, at least in appearance. I didn't quite know what to say to them though, so I sized them up all at once. Just like the meeting day.

"How about—how about you come back to the house with us, Bella?" I remembered distinctly from Jasper and I's conversation that this one was Carlisle. He had acted as the leader at the meeting too.

"I can't" I stuttered, taking a slight step backwards "I—I'm on a bit of a time restriction here"

Edward's hands clamped into fists. He was still standing slightly ahead of all the others who were in attendance. "You don't have to listen to them" he said darkly "they have no right to tell you what to do or when you have to come home"

That made me pretty angry, he thought they had ordered me to come home at a certain time or something, like I was a child. "Guess what?" I asked, half enraged "they didn't tell me to come back at a set time! Jannah is covering for me, she was considerate enough to care if I wanted to know about you guys and said she would keep attention away from the fact that I was gone if I promised to be back by dawn. That's as long as she thought she could keep it from Faye, Mar and Nuri"

He looked repent after I said that, and I certainly hope he felt it too "okay Bella, I didn't mean to jump to conclusions. I'm sorry" he took a deep breath "this… this _situation_ is very upsetting for me. I hope you can understand that."

I ground my teeth together roughly. It was the voice again, telling me not to do this, telling me it was redundant… but there was a new feeling too, sympathy, and the urge to tell Edward I _did _understand, and to comfort him. This new sensation frightened me more then the pain did.

"I should be leaving now" I said nervously, I needed to get out of this situation.

"No Bella" Edward murmured weakly, quickly taking one step forward to counter the one I took back

"No, I should—" I stopped dead when there was a slight gasp from one of the Cullens behind Edward. Actually, I knew it was Alice.

Edward turned around to face them, I sorta knew what was going on. She was having a vision, that much had been explained to me before.

Suddenly Edward gasped too, whipping back around to face me. Of course he would see what she could, because he could witness it in her thoughts.

"Bella" he barely whispered my name, taking another gliding step forward. I stepped back again, it was just a natural reaction this time "I just want the photograph back" he told me. I knew it was obviously a lie, but I could tell in his face there was something very wrong. He looked like he was about to break into sobs. What had Alice seen?

"Okay" I muttered, for some reason unknown to me

He quickly came towards me, not afraid I would back away now. He took the picture from my hand, his fingers brushing against mine slightly in the process. It had to have been on purpose. "No!" Edward suddenly yelled, I jumped hugely even though he had turned around to direct the exclamation to a thought of his family's "don't say a thing" he hissed to them

They were going to keep it for me! Suddenly I was sort of angry again, it must be about me, and they wouldn't explain!

"I miss you" Edward said unexpectedly, sounding like he was down-right broken hearted. Then, slowly, he reached up and skimmed his finger tips over my cheek.

It kinda took me a moment to react, and when I did my response was grabbing his hand off my face before he could take another breath. I was petrified of the feeling his touch gave me. It was like my stomach was lurching and my knees felt weak… but in a good way.

"I really miss you" he did sob it this time. I was shocked and completely caught off guard at how sudden he had gotten emotional.

"Ummmm… I'm going" I muttered, stepping back once again. He continued to stand in one place, not looking like he would try to follow me this time

"Goodbye" he somehow managed

"Uhh… bye" I replied, only for a lack of anything better to say. Then I spun around and took off back into the forest

As I tore away I could hear Edward break down completely with his sobs. Why was he so upset? Had I really meant that much to him before?

I tried to slow down and listen to hear if they would discus what Alice had seen, but I didn't hear much at all, let alone information of use.

I was back at the house before I knew it, and by the voices inside I knew my absence had gone unnoticed.

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**Oh dear, what could Alice have seen!?! Never mind, I already know so that's kinda like being a jerk. I hate jerks, they're really mean!  
Hope for less thunderstorms for me down here! And twilightkristy, I'm still looking for Alice for you!  
**


	19. A decision or two

**Now, please remove any firearms from the room you happen to be in while reading this, because no one is aloud to shoot me. Or I might have to just shoot you back.  
****And just hang in there for the first half of this longer-then-normal chapter and you will get your dose of EDWARD! yay...! Though he might be fractionally ooc...**

**One vision coming true and one explained, now read on!!!**

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I lay on my bed and stared up at the ceiling for a very long time after I got home. Jannah came to see me after a while, she had kept my absence away from the others while I was gone.

"So how'd it go?' she asked, pulling herself up on the desk by the window, the same one she had been sitting on earlier.

"Okay, I guess" I didn't know quite how else to describe it "just… strange, really"

She raised an eyes brow "what do you mean, strange?"

"Well, I definitely didn't get my answers and it was… weird" I was about to open my mouth to tell her about the vision, but I decided against it "Edward, he—he showed me a picture from when I was human. It was… of the two of us"

Judging by her expression in reaction to that comment I could tell she wasn't quite sure how to react "really?" she eventually asked "did—did he actually love you when you were human then?"

I really couldn't reply to that, I had never thought of it that way. What if Edward had just loved me when I was human? But why would he have left me? And why would I feel so panicked when I was around him? I took a deep breath "I'm—I'm kinda scared" I admitted, finally really letting myself come to terms with it.

Jannah—and all of my other family— really didn't know what had gone on, only what I had told them before my memory had been erased. And that obviously wasn't the whole story, there was a reason the Cullens had left me here while I was human, I didn't know it but I was somehow able to except that it was one that was worth-while. The Cullens—and Edward included—weren't bad people. But I didn't know them, and I didn't have anything to do with them now. I needed to apologize and say that this was it. I wasn't going to keep resisting the fact that that I might have known them, and I might even have been one of them, but that was over now. I had my own life, every one needed to move on and except that this was me now.

"I think I need to tell the Cullens we should all stop playing this game, it's pointless. I'll stop resisting but they need to learn to let the past go"

Jannahlooked at me a little curiously, but she was smiling "interesting" she said "do you think all of us can live together in Forks? I don't think Edward will just get over you like that if you ask, though"

"I think I should give it a try anyway" I said "if it doesn't work I'll think up another plan"

"Your right, it is worth a try" she agreed "now come down stairs before everyone starts believing you _did_ go somewhere last night"

I headed down the stairs as Jannah went to one of the other upstairs rooms. When I reached the first floor I realized I really hadn't missed much. Nothing much ever happened at night.

I entered the living room at the back of the house and threw myself down on one of the couches, the one Mar was sitting alone on.

"Hey Bella" she greeted, smiling my way

"Morning" I replied, it was getting light out now and I had to assume it was almost time for school

"How are you doing?" Faye asked, obviously concerned "you know, after yesterday and all"

"I'm fine" I said smiling "and I think I might have come to a bit of a… I don't know, just a way to quiet all of this "when I was human" stuff down"

Everyone seemed a little more interested when I said that, Nuri leaned forward, putting his hands on his knees and his head in his hands and Faye crossed her legs and sat up straighter too. I even heard Mar shift positions, but I wasn't looking directly at her and I couldn't tell how she had moved.

"I think I'm just going to tell the Cullens that maybe whatever went on while I was human has passed, and that—that I've made a fully conscious decision that I don't want to have anything to do with them. I think if I try to be reasonable then they might listen to me instead of telling me I don't know what I'm talking about"

"Sounds fair enough" Nuri said, nodding. Though it looked strange with his head still in his hands "I really hope it works though"

I nodded too as Jannah came into the room, finally joining us "Bella, do you think you'll be going to school today?" she asked

It was a fractionally random question, but something that needs to be discussed, and I had already been considering it anyway.

"Well, if it's okay, I don't think I really feel up to it" I muttered a little sheepishly

"That's no problem" Faye reassured "I think it's fine if you don't want to go, I can imagine that yesterday was fairly upsetting for you"

"Yeah" I agreed, but I didn't much want to think about yesterday

"I'll stay back with you" Nuri suddenly interjected, looking up to me with suddenly shining, pretty golden eyes "come on, there's no point to you staying all alone"

"Really?" I asked, and suddenly the thought of being home all day didn't seem so bad

"Yeah, if no one else minds, that is" he replied, and he didn't look like he would find it much of a burden either

"Naw, that sounds great, you can keep Bella out of trouble for the day" as she said it Faye casually threw her arm over Nuri's shoulder "as long as you two promise to be good while I'm gone"

~*~*~*~*~

When Faye, Margareta, and Jannah left for school Nuri and I quickly found ourselves bored out of our minds. We had shifted right away from the sitting room to the TV room and began flipping through channels. But nothing was on, just dumb daytime television.

"Its only 9 o'clock and already we can't find anything to do. We still have the whole day to go!" Nuri exclaimed, frustrated, sprawling out on the couch.

"Awww, stop being so pessimistic" I whined right back at him, pulling myself off the couch I was on and walking over so I stood before where he laid, my hands on hips. "You're just whine, whine, whine, aren't you?"

He laughed happily, reaching up and wrapping his arms around waist "well I guess your just going to have to give me something to be optimistic about" he smiled as he lurched his arms forward, causing me to lose my balance and come toppling down on top of him.

"Nuri you… jerk!" I laughed at him, grabbing handfuls of his orange hair and using them to pull myself less out of a heap, when I was finished I lay comfortably in his arms

"Oh, now you're just offending me, Bella, calling me a jerk…" he tightened his grip for a moment, squeezing me to the point I couldn't take a breath in

"You are one" I somehow managed breathlessly

"Am not" he countered

"Are so" I wheezed right back

"Impossible" he muttered, shaking his head with fake shame "but you know what?" I felt his grip on me easing so I would be able to comfortably talk again

"What?" I asked, squirming around in his arms so I could see his face with my new-found freedom

"I think I like you anyway" then Nuri slowly began kissing down my neck

"Stop it!" I squealed delightedly "Nuri, stop it!" I hunched up my shoulders and couldn't help but giggle like a four year old "Faye told you to be good well she was gone!" I tried shoving at him but I really didn't have any intent of trying to make him get lost

"This _is_ good" he answered me, beginning to make his lips go back up again

I didn't reply to that right away, because I was a little wrapped up in what I was feeling. I didn't know why, but I kept picturing myself in Edward's arms. No, not picturing, imagining? No, that wasn't right either. It was… remembering. I remembered Edward and I in some situation like this.

"Bella, is everything alright?" Nuri suddenly asked, snapping me out of my diaphanous reverie

"Ye—yeah, of course it is" I stuttered to him, his face was pulled away and worried now

"You were really, really zoned out there for a second" he stated, still looking worried

"I'm fine" I smiled, it was weak though "how about we go hunting or something?"

He smiled back easily, leaning forward and unexpectedly pressing his lips to mine

It was only a light little kiss, but it caught me off guard all the same. I hadn't fully recovered before Nuri was pulling out the back door and off into the forest.

In a few seconds I was better and off running myself, but Nuri still held my hand.

"Are you ready to really run?" he asked, turning to me as we flew past the vivid green scenery

I nodded, pushing away all thoughts except those of my next meal from my mind, letting myself go to the inhuman instincts I didn't remember _not _having. My senses had completely switched over now, I could hear the distant thudding heart beats of animals, and smell the fresh blood, and… something else too… another vampire, someone other then Nuri, who was now stationary a few feet in front of me. He paused his hunting as well, to look over his shoulder to where I stood

"Do you smell it too?" he asked

"Yea'" I muttered absentmindedly, panning around in a circle to see if I could see anyone. And, of course, there was Edward, standing far off to my left.

I hadn't heard him at all, or seen him until now, but none the less there he was.

Nuri had positioned himself behind me in an instant, with his fingers threaded through mine and light kiss to the top of my head before he addressed Edward "what are you doing here?" He asked firmly

Edward had hurried forward already, so he stood at a normal talking distance away from us. For some reason his normally careless hair looked even more astray, much worse then last night, and he eyes were dark and brooding. "I—I need to stop Bella from doing something she would deeply regret" he didn't sound like he looked, like he was furious and ready to snap and freak at Nuri and I, his voice was quiet, trembling and somewhat exhausted too. I didn't know how he could look so different then what came across in his words

"How do you know what she'll regret?" Nuri asked angrily "you don't know Bella anymore, if you ever did to begin with"

His expression remained the same, and he took a deep breath. I was surprised he didn't lose it from that comment, like he had for previous things like that "I know Bella better then you ever will. You may make her forget me but she will always be mine"

I heard Nuri sigh, and he was probably going to say something too but I squeezed both his hands and took a slight step forward "could you give us some privacy please?" I turned to Nuri slightly and asked, then I turned back to Edward "I—I need to talk to you for a minute"

"Bella, are you sure this is a good idea?" Nuri moved out from behind me and over to my left, so he could see my face. He was worried looking and a little confused

"Yes" I assured "I need to explain to him"

I couldn't quite tell by the look on his face if he got that I wanted to tell Edward about my new decision but he said "okay, as long as you think you're alright. When your finished I'll be back at the house" anyway. Then he took off, leaving Edward and I alone

I turned back to him, looking him in the eye. I was about to open my mouth but somehow Edward managed to beat me to it.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, "You look a little upset, Bella"

"Yeah, I'm fine" I replied, reaching forward and taking his hands in mine "I—I need to tell you that I'm sorry though. I've been… pretty rude and stuff to you and your family recently and I need to apologize for that"

"Don't get yourself too worked up over it" he said, taking a step closer to me "it's not like we're angry or hate you or anything like that"

"you might as well" I muttered to myself while looking down at my feet, though he could probably hear, then I addressed Edward again "I feel bad" there was something about seeing our hands entwined like they were that was comforting and reassuring. Whatever had caused me so much pain, and whatever had been warning me had completely stopped now. It must have been because I had made my decision that I wouldn't have any involvement with him. My mind was made up about Edward and I think my subconscious knew that too.

"Please don't. Just consider yourself forgiven" he removed one of his hands from mine and reached up, touching my cheek

"Okay, I'll try" I muttered, suddenly feeling a bit bad. I didn't think he expected what I was about to say "and… I also wanted you to know that I really feel I can't keep this up. Like I said, I'm sorry, but I think that everyone's right. I'm not really the Bella you knew anymore. I—I don't know you Edward, or Alice or Emmett or Jasper" after I said that I remained quiet for a second, letting it sink in. His hand had had already fallen from my face.

"Bella…" I didn't know if he was trying to think up something to try to change my mind, but at that moment I got an idea. A solution to all our problems. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it earlier. If—if Mar could just erase Edward's memory too, then he wouldn't remember me and he could just go back to living like he did before he had met me. He could live his life without even knowing what had went on here.

I turned back to Edward, a genuinely happy smile on my face. He was still looking at the ground "Edward, I've got an idea! It's a perfect solution and—"

"No!" he cried "you can't! Please don't think like that! Please Bella, you just can't!" he had thrown his arms around my neck now, and was sobbing

"How—how do you know what I'm thinking? I thought you said I was immune" I stuttered, trying to pry him off of me slightly

"No, I don't know what your thinking" he still sobbed, not letting go of me "but you can't, don't even think like that or—or—"

Suddenly I got it. This was what Alice had seen, my plan for Mar to erase Edward's memory so he wouldn't remember me and could go on like I had never existed "why didn't you tell me?!" I exclaimed, stopping struggling and dropping my arms to my sides "this is what Alice saw!"

"yes" he sighed, pulling back from me but keeping his hands on my shoulders "this is what she saw, everything was back to just like it was before I met you" he tilted his head up and looked into my eyes "don't do that to me Bella, don't do it to you. That's the easy way out, it's like running away from your problems. Don't do it"

I just looked at him for a minute "I don't have a problem" my voice was harsh, maybe too much so "I'm perfectly fine. Its you who thinks I should remember you. Until you and your family came I was perfectly fine, you're the one with a problem"

I thought he would have been furious after I said that, but he wasn't. Or maybe he was, and just had a good way at keeping it from me. Edward's eyes stayed the same as he looked down at me with an even expression. "You aren't fine" he moved his hands from my shoulders down to my waist "if you were fine would you be this confused? Or this worried or scared?"

"I _am_ fine!" I yelled "I don't need you to tell me how I feel!" and then, suddenly, he was several feet away, lying flat on his back.

I gasped and rushed over, now repent. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I kept saying, dropping to me knees at Edwards side "I'm sorry, I can't control it!"

"It's alright, Bella" he was already sitting up in the thick gramineous plants of the forest "I'm alright"

"Are you sure?" I asked again

"Yes, perfectly fine"

"I really didn't mean it, I can't control whatever the heck that is yet, and I'm sorry and—"

"That's enough now" he said softly, standing up and pulling me up along with him. But I could tell something was wrong now, wrong for me at least. Edward was all smiles and suddenly happy.

"What are you doing?" I asked, feeling a teensy bit panicky "what's going on?"

He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and pulled me close to him. Suddenly his demeanor had completely changed "I'm taking you back to the house, sweetheart, and I'm either going to get you your memory back or have you fall in love with me in the process"

* * *

**So look, it's not_ really_ a cliffie, not _technically_. It just kept going, and if I hadn't ended it there I wouldn't have been able to post today! Then you would have to wait another week 'cuz I leave on the drive back to Canada today!**

**Anyway, Edward seem ooc to you? I hope not. I just want to pick this fanfic up and make it go somewhere 'cuz I'm tired of letting it lead itself. I have kinda a basic skeleton idea for what's going to happen.**


	20. First Flashback

**While I edited this I was listening to "I will remember you" By Sarah McLachlan. I didn't even realize until the song was over either, it was sorta ironic. **

**Anyway, everyone wants Bella to remember Edward right? Well you may be slightly hostile after this chapter then. Or maybe not, I could be wrong. But you see, the events of chapter twenty DO get him a step closer, and all of this should make more sense after you read. So please read. **

* * *

Before I had time to open my mouth and defend myself, before I had even really registered what he had told me, I was curled up in Edwards arms and he was running full force.

"Stop!" I screamed, flailing even though he was stronger then me. "Stop it right now!"

"Listen to me" he said, staring blankly off ahead, "I'm doing this because it's what's best for you. And maybe I was a little off on that last time, but you'll thank me for this, and soon enough too. This is right, I know it is. I messed your life up and I intend to set it straight again too."

"Let go of me," I kept crying, pounding my fists against his shoulder. Why did he have to say all this crap? Did it somehow justify taking me against my will? I wasn't free by the time we make it to the massive white house, or a few seconds later when we were inside.

Edward put me down then, but still kept one arm around me so I couldn't escape. There was a woman waiting for us when he opened the front door, she had long brown hair and wasn't one of the Cullens I recognized. She stood with her hands clasped in front of her and a terribly worried expression on her face. "Edward?" she asked, kind of like she was surprised to see him.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, burying his face in my hair. I stared at the woman in maybe in some shock, and horror too.

"Edward," she said again, shaking her head and putting a hand on his shoulder "you shouldn't be keeping her against her will."

He turned his head so that he could look at her, still holding me close. "I know, I shouldn't, but I at least need to try to make her remember me. I—I don't know how long it will be until the rest of them come to get her but until then I need to try this, if it works... do you know what that would mean?"

She kept watching the two of us, like she wasn't quite sure what to about this.

I myself wanted to say something, but what was I supposed to say? All that came to mind was maybe a few profanities and a lot of yelling, so I decided not to make the situation worse and kept my mouth shut.

"Thank you Esme" he said in another second, beginning to pull me up a staircase a little bit off to the side.

"Stop it right now! Do you know what Nuri's going to do to you when he finds out you kidnapped me? And Faye and Mar and Jannah too, your in for some hell when I get out of here," I finally decided on declaring.

"It's going to be fine," he assured me, but why was he assuring me anyway?

"It is _not_ going to be fine, what is your problem? Just. Let. Me. Go!" we had reached a door now, at then end of a hallway on the second floor.

"I need you to calm down, please, and have an open mind. It is going to be alright, Bella. Just relax, I need you to," he turned his back to the door and put his hands on my shoulders when he said it. His eyes were sincere but I couldn't sympathize.

"I'm not listening to you, I don't care if you think this is what's right," I hissed with more then enough hostility "when the rest of my family comes and saves me from this place your going to be sorry you did this."

"That's exactly the attitude I hope to change," though he had a slight forced smile on his face I could still see the hurt. I didn't care about his emotions. "Come on," Edward continued, pushing the door behind him open with a light swishing noise. Then he took a few steps backward into the room, pulling me by my hands "this is my room," he explained "we used to spend time here together a lot."

The room he led me into was fairly large, with one wall a whole, gigantic picture window. There was a leather couch and more CD's then some stores. Faye's collection, all the ones stashed under my bed, was nothing compared to his.

"Do you remember?" Edward promptly asked, "Do you remember anything yet?"

"No," was my annoyed response. And even if there was something tugging at the very edge of my memory I refused to let it make its way in. I didn't want to know him, I didn't care about my past and I needed to be back home, safe in Nuri's arms.

"Nothing?" he prompted, his face falling a little.

"Yes, nothing. And I don't want to remember," I replied, gauging my chances of being able to get away if I ran. I doubted I could though, not with the woman a floor below. Between the two of them they would be able to catch up to me. And of course Alice would know what I was up to in advance too.

There was a quiet moment, then Edward gestured over to the couch "how about you go sit down for a minute," he offered

I looked over at the couch. "I don't want to," I simply refused

"Please Bella. Sit on the couch," it didn't sound much like an offer anymore, more of an order.

"No," I replied stubbornly, crossing my arms.

"Alright then," he kind of sounded like I was exhausting him, but he didn't want to show it. "I want to tell you about your human life, I'm sure something will jog your memory. And, first of all, I need this to be very clear to you. I love you Isabella, more then . . ." he paused there, taking a moment to consider, "thinking about it, there's very little comparison. All I can say is that I know I love you more then_ he_ does"

"He has a name!" I fumed at Edward, appalled by what he had said. "Nu-ri. Call him that." For some reason I couldn't comment on how much either of them loved me. I didn't know why, but I just couldn't stand up for Nuri, I tried racking my brain for a decent comeback but there was none there.

"I'm sorry," he sounded a little angry at first, but then more apologetic "Nuri . . . I'll try to call him that. I don't want to hurt you, Bella, its just jealousy."

I sneered and ground my teeth together, what was his problem? What was up with the sudden understanding? I didn't know how I felt anymore, this was just way to weird and confusing and annoying.

"I'm going to try to explain to you now, whether you're sitting down or not," Edward finally announced, that's what he had kidnapped me to do, and now he was finally getting around to it. Good for him. "It kind of started when a boy from school's van lost control on some ice and was headed right for you—you were human at the time of course—but—but I couldn't let you get hurt. I threw myself between the vehicle and you, possibly saving your life but also endangering the whole of what my family took years to build and protect…"

I don't know how long his story took in the end, quite awhile though. I could see the shadows of the many pieces of furniture change as the sun sunk farther down towards the earth. It must have been late afternoon when he wrapped it up by saying something about the last time he saw me being when he and his family left Forks to try to protect me from what they were. For some reason that seemed to fit, and make me feel a bit better too. I couldn't count the number of emotions I had felt during his recount of my life, many of which I ignored or outright denied to myself, but none of them were as curious as this one, it had to be pure, genuine relieve.

But, regardless, I remembered nothing.

"Please Bella, there has to be something. You… how could you not know?" regardless of the earlier being stubborn I had sat down on the couch on the end, while Edward paced around, telling his story. I wouldn't have guessed how long this was going to take.

"I just don't," I said harshly. I was watching the window for any sign of Jannah, Mar, Faye, or Nuri. I would have been surprised if the appeared at any second, I was actually surprised they hadn't already.

"There's got to be something that reminds you!" he exclaimed, growing even more frantic. "Look, you remember the bite mark don't you? You remember the ballet studio and how I saved you," he knelt down before the couch when he said it, though just dropping to his knees may have been a more appropriate term, and took the hand with the faint outline. Until now, I had always thought it was the one left by Faye when she had changed me, but I never would have guessed I could have been bitten _twice_.

Then, my first flashback.

It was like, the biggest 'ah-ha' moment it history. The biggest, 'of _course_ it happened, of _course_, I lived that!' moment. Like… I didn't even know how to explain it. I wanted to scream, just because of how much sense it made.

We were sitting in the school cafeteria, Faye and Jannah were across from me and Mar was beside me. I was human, I could tell by the way the moment I was seeing was a haze, like seen when I was half asleep or something. I now knew what it was like to see humanly. My hand was placed on the table in front of me. "_I was just bitten,_" a rough, but still recognizable as my own, voice said. I was actually witnessing the moment, not just remembering it. I even knew how I felt that day, like being bitten wasn't the biggest deal in the world; and definitely not the main issue on my mind.

I finally snapped out of it, breathing just slightly irregularly and with Edward hovering over me, now lying on the couch.

I guess my eyes were a little wide, or I looked freaked out for some reason because he was obviously worried "You—you remember now?" he asked softly, cupping my face with one hand affectionately "I love you Bella."

"Stop it!" I snapped, agitated that he had the nerve to interrupt me while I was so absorbed in pondering what I remembered.

"No…" he murmured, his hand had withdrawn and his expression slowly turned horrified. "No Bella, you can't… you just can't… what do you remember?"

My face was hard and tone detached when answered "nothing to do with you"

* * *

**I've hit the 'perpetual hyperactivity' of this story, and that means it may be nearing it's end. I don't quite know how I'm going to end it though. If you've got an idea, feel free to inform me. I've got the next chapter almost written and a couple more planned out but I'd love to hear your ideas for an awsome ending!**


	21. Homeward Bound

**Yo! From what I've gathered, most of you want drama. So hopefully this is alright. I think I might just take my laptop and wander off into a bomb shelter anyway... But hey, I'm really pessimistic, so hopefully that's the worst-case-scenario!**

**

* * *

**For this to make sense, you need to remember exactly what was last said (I can't even remember why I stopped where I did.)  
Anyway, Edward had asked what Bella remembered, and she said "_Nothing to do with you_."

* * *

To my amazement that comment actually relaxed him. I didn't understand, but his face softened. "So… so it's not impossible? Bella, I'll be able to do it now, I _will _be able to make you remember!"

I hated the ecstasy his expression purveyed. This was by no means a victory for Edward.

"What did you remember exactly? Can you explain to me?"

I finally pulled myself into a sitting position, "Listen, it had nothing to do with you, and if the first thing I remember is something totally unrelated to this life you're always going on about don't you think you couldn't have meant as much to me as you keep saying you did?"

Suddenly Alice was in the room too, which was a bit of a surprise considering not one of Edward's family had shown themselves since returning home from school. "How did it happen?" she asked excitedly, smiling

"I'm not quite sure" Edward replied. What, now they were going to down-right ignore me?

"Will you please tell us what went on?" Alice asked me enthusiastically "It could be really important to getting your memory back."

"I don't want to get my memory back, I'm perfectly fine with my life right now," I started saying it in the harsh, almost rude way I had always spoke to them in, but as I went on my voice became even more desperate and upset. "Can't all of you just leave me alone? I'm feeling enough right now _without _you guys trying to force me into this remembering crap. Please, all I want is to be left alone to live my life the way I want to." I had never been so emotional around these Cullens before, I had always tried to maintain my distance. I didn't want anyone knowing that I was actually so weak, I wanted them to think I was not someone who was vulnerable at all, I wanted them to think there was no way they could ever reach me. But here I was, disproving that. I had to look down at the floor and twist my hands together anxiously to keep from losing it and breaking down sobbing or something. Yeah, real tough I was.

"Shhh, it's alright," Edward quickly dropped down on the couch beside me and wrapped me in his arms. "No, it's going to be fine Bella, I know it, I promise," I was pulled so tight against him but I didn't care. I just wanted to confess all that seemed wrong in my life to him, to beg him to make it better. Anyone could make it better at this point, as long as someone was. "It's all going to be okay," he kept repeating to me, running his fingers lovingly through my hair. I had to turn my head and bury my face in his neck, taking a deep breath.

"Edward," I muttered, not quite fully aware if what I intended to say. He shifted me so I was curled in his lap, it kind of reminded me of how Nuri and I had spent a small portion of our morning. But I still didn't know what was about to come out of my mouth. "Edward, I—I—I—."

Before another word was out of my mouth, Alice made a small exclamation and Edward and I both whipped around to face her, she had collapsed to her knees, and her arms hung limply at her sides. I knew Edward was already seeing exactly what she was, so it made me feel even more like I was being kept out.

Edward scooted down with me still in his arms, our intimate moment completely forgotten now. In a second her eyes had snapped back to focus and she was looking directly to me.

Suddenly, even more suddenly then Alice had gone into her vision then popped back out again, I was being held bridal style by Edward, who had jumped to his feet. "I'm taking her out of here," he announced, obviously not to me.

Alice just stared up at him with her perfect golden eyes, conversing with her thoughts, obviously. I hated that everything was always kept away from me. None of my family would ever be so secretive

"Not yet," he replied to her, his voice dark and almost depressed sounding suddenly. "We're leaving. Right now."

Her expression didn't change, so I assumed when I spoke next I was interrupting the half-silent conversation "what did Alice see? Where are you trying to take me? And what the heck is going on?!"

Edward took a long, deep breath. "I'm not going to try to keep it from you, because I love you, and I trust you, and I would like you to do the same for me. Alice saw your friends arrive, very soon, and you told them about your entire plan and the blond one made me forget I ever knew you."

"They can't erase your memory if you're not here, Edward," Alice said matter—of—factly "you need to get away."

"No, if I'm leaving it's going to be with Bella. I'm not going unless she is too."

"Let go!" I squealed at him, suddenly having a perfectly understandable reason to make him put me down. As soon as they got here I would be fine, it meant a victory for me. But I couldn't let him drag me off somewhere before my family had a chance to save me, that would be my only challenge.

"Edward you're being ridicules, if you don't put her down right now and get out of here they'll erase your memory too, and you have about—" she didn't finish her sentence. Alice ceased the second she turned to look out Edward's window.

In response to that Edward did a 180, whipping around to face the window himself, I still in his arms.

Faye, Nuri, Jannah, and Mar could all clearly be seen (with the assistance of vampire eyesight) running through the forest surrounding the property, straight towards the house. I smiled a huge, arrogant, triumphant grin and Edward gasped. Alice said nothing at all.

"Now will you let go of me?" I asked smugly. "You've lost, big time"

"Lost what?" he asked, his face still remained the same as before. Solemn, but like nothing had changed, even after his own gasp.

"Just let me go home!" I exclaimed, fed-up with this kid, but it would all be fine soon. All I had to do was inform Mari of my plan and then neither of us would even have to worry about it ever again. I didn't see how he could object to it, wasn't it the perfect resolution?

With one last violent struggle I broke free from Edward's arms; either that or he let me go for some reason. But Edward was now, officially, the last thing on my mind. I flew through the hall, and down the staircase, headed directly towards my escape out the front door. Of course, I didn't count on the rest of the Cullens.

So close to my final freedom, I was caught from behind. It wasn't fair, they were right outside waiting for me and I still couldn't escape! Of course the one who was now holding me against my will was Emmett.

"Where do you think you're going in such a hurry?" he asked, as I still kept trying to make my getaway by struggling.

"I'm going out there!" I growled back at him, jerking my arm just like when I was trying to escape Edward, who, in about the last five seconds, had joined Emmett and me and was standing at the bottom of the stairs too.

"Let go of her, Emmett." he said quietly

"You're not giving in like that, are you Edward?!" Emmett exclaimed, confused. I thought I knew what Edward was trying to make me do, though. He was trying to make me forget about my plan to tell Mar to erase his memory. He thought that if he gave me back quietly then I would go back quietly, too. Well, I had news for him. Yeah right. "You would never just give up on Bella, would you?"

"Emmett, let her go home." Edward said in the same calm, maybe even detached tone. Then, he winced. Like, like he was suddenly in pain or something. That was weird, why was he in pain?

"What did Alice see?" Emmett quickly asked in a panicked voice, holding me a little tighter. So I guess that was what happened, Alice had seen something. It was probably a normal occurrence around here for Edward to cringe out of nowhere.

"It's nothing," Edward's voice sounded just like it was going to break, like, very obviously, he had seen something apocalyptic. My plan would work.

Emmett finally let go of me, but before I could run, Edward had taken my hand into his. I humored him, even though quite unwillingly, as he finally pulled me out the front door, with all of the other Cullens coming along behind us.

We didn't go anywhere near deep into the forest, just a few meters before we were face to face with Jannah, Mar, and Faye and Nuri, who were lightly holding hands. They had been waiting for us, or, more just waiting for me.

"I'm sorry," Edward muttered before anyone else had a chance to speak. He was looking at the ground, maybe a little shamefully "I thought I could make Bella remember me, but I obviously can't. I'm—I'm sorry," he gave my hand one final squeeze, as a plea to not do this. Why didn't he get that this was good? Then he dropped my hand completely, leaving me free to go.

Without a single second of hesitation I dashed over towards my family, or, more specifically, Nuri. When I reached him I immediately threw my arms around his neck, but I gave no one else a chance to talk, what I wanted to say was far more important. "Mar, you have to erase Edward's memory, because then he wouldn't remember that I don't remember him and we could all get on with our lives!"

For a third of a second after I said that, the whole world stopped turning on its axis. Everyone was silent, nobody moved. Until Edward broke down, falling to his knees. "No!" he cried out, Alice was by his side in an instant. "Please, you can't do that, I would never be able to forget Bella! I—I couldn't survive not knowing her!"

I had turned around a bit in Nuri's arms, so I could see the scene unfolding. Alice had snapped her head up, and was looking at us with hostility. "You won't," she said in a final tone. "We won't let you get near him."

Edward kept sobbing, he probably knew from Mari's thoughts that she didn't need to get near him, she could erase his memory from the distance they were apart now.

"Please Bella," Edward looked up one last time, _this_ was actually his last desperate attempt. Then he cried out again, taking his head into his hands.

I didn't actually remember having my memory erased, but Mar had explained to me what happened all the same. She said that it felt a little strange at first, but nothing really painful, and then the person usually got a bit startled, if you had made them forget what had just been happening, because they didn't know how they had gotten there or why there head was aching. I had a feeling Edward was crying out because he knew exactly what was going on, though.

"No!" Alice exclaimed for him, and the rest of the Cullens assembled around Edward too, either kneeling beside him or standing over him.

"C'mon," Nuri said to me, putting an arm around my waist and pulling me around the opposite way. I guess I had been staring or something. "We can go home now."

I nodded, turning my head the other way. As we hurried back home, where I belonged, I could hear Edward's voice. It was worried slightly, but much happier then I had ever heard. In a content sort of way, it was actually strange to hear him like that.

"Alice?" He asked. "What's wrong? Why is everyone so upset?"

See, I had been right. He was happy now.

But I had to keep telling that to myself over and over, because something, something in the very bottom of my heart, told me I was wrong.

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**Okay, there you go. Phew, I'm so happy I got that over with! **

**I started writing this same chapter from Edward's POV... do you think I should continue with that? Or go straight to plot-advancements? Please give me your opinion, and thanks!!**


	22. It's All Coming Back to me Now

**Okay, really sorry it took as long as it did. I've been drowning in school work and it's going to be the death of me!! I SWEAR! At least I have my black coffee to help me make it through, and yes, I do realize coffee may not be the best habit for a fourteen year old. I like it anyway. **

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**Edward's POV (the very end of the last chapter)**

When we reached them, there in the forest, I felt slightly like I was going to break down. This wasn't something I could just let happen... but it was well out of my power now.

"I'm sorry," I began to say as my final words to Bella before she would make me unwillingly forget all about her. Then I went on to the other four of them who looked on at me disapprovingly. Except the one with the longest hair, she seemed curious. "I though I could make Bella remember me, but I obviously can't. I'm—I'm sorry." I gave Bella's hand one last squeeze as a parting. But how could I say goodbye to her? It hurt my heart more then the jealously ever could. Then I dropped her hand. That was how I could say goodbye.

Bella ran without a word into the arms of the red-haired male. Nu-ri, I was supposed to call him. But I couldn't even look any longer, my eyes were focused on the ground when Bella spoke the words I know were coming but prayed I wouldn't hear.

"Mar, you need to erase Edward's memory because then he won't remember that I don't remember him and we can all get on with our lives!"

I couldn't bear it. "No!" I cried out, falling to the ground. Alice was quickly on her knees beside me, ready to protect me anyway she could. "Please, you can't do that! I wouldn't be able to live like that! I would never be able to forget her!"

"You won't," Alice suddenly hissed in a tone that dripped with finality, "we won't let you get near him."

I couldn't help it, I was sobbing, all was lost. I looked up to Bella one last time, but I couldn't bring myself to feel any bitterness, I still loved her to much for that. And, maybe, that was just it, maybe I loved her too much. Maybe it would have consumed me if this had gone on much longer, or maybe it had consumed me already. "Please Bella." But already there was a subtle ache in my head. I took it into my hands and I might have moaned, then Alice yelled;

"No!" and my whole family was around me too.

There was another moment of pain, and then suddenly the whole world seemed frightening and unfamiliar. What was going on? Was I outside? I was… but at least my family was here, they would know what was happening. "Alice?" I looked up to my sister, who was biting down on her quivering bottom lip. I panicked. "What's going on? Why is everyone so upset?"

Without a single word Alice pulled me into her arms.

**~*~*~*~**

**Bella's POV**

It may have been running through the forest that gave me a little too long to think, or it may have been that my brain wasn't just on the one track of how I would escape. But now that all was over with and I was safe, my mind seemed to be able to comprehend a little bit more. And I felt slightly guilty. No, I wasn't guilty, I couldn't be, I was… feeling bad because Edward's family didn't see how great an opportunity this was for the both of us.

Anything, anything was better than thinking I felt guilty, because, of course, I wasn't guilty.

"Are you alright after all that?" Faye was the first to ask me when we all got home. We had all sat down at the kitchen table, which was a bit of a rare thing, usually we threw ourselves down on the couches or even just the floor. I don't know why we were suddenly being so formal.

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine." I assured her, but without much emotion, "I had a flash back, though, we—except Nuri—were all sitting in the cafeteria at school and I was telling you guys about how I was bitten by James." Even after I had said it, I didn't know where the name had come from. James… just the thought unnerved me, but it was also right. The name fit in the place I had subconsciously given it.

"You had… a flash back?" Jannah was the one to voice the tacit thought. She was always the one like that, she wanted things answered.

"Yes," I almost half muttered, "and it wasn't even about any of them, the Cullens, I mean."

"There's never been a case like that…" Mar wondered out loud, "no one's ever come close to remembering anything. But no one's ever had someone on their case trying to make them remember, either."

"He didn't even do much" I replied kinda quietly, I had just gotten away from Edward and I didn't want to go back to chatting about him. I didn't even want to think about it.

"Do you think… do you think that means you're going to remember now?" Jannah had been the once to voice again, like I said, she always wanted the truth, plain and simple. Nuri was the only one who hadn't said much since I had been saved, now that I thought about it. I couldn't tell why he was quiet though, maybe he sensed I felt a little unsettled.

"I have to say," Faye muttered half only to herself, but in response it Jannah's question, "it might."

"But—but there _was_ a trigger," I replied back, hanging on to anything that might make it less likely for me to have the possibility of remembering. "If I avoid any more then shouldn't I not remember anymore?"

"I guess," Mar would know best on this topic, so the way she said it so unsurely was slightly unnerving. If I never wanted to remember.

But I was just really mixed up right now, and nearly all I could feel was guilt. And I was now open to admit it. This was bad, I had thought it would work out but it didn't, it wouldn't.

Oh my God, I had just made the biggest mistake of my life, I suddenly realized. But I still didn't know why.

I flew up from the angular table, suddenly jumpy and anxious.

"Are you okay?" Nuri quickly asked, standing up too.

"Fine," I said, laughing a bit nervously, "of course I'm fine."

"Please sit back down then," he replied to me, not convinced I was '_fine_' by any means of the word.

"No," I said, suddenly much more calm now. I pushed in my chair and tried to sound a little more relaxed. "If no one minds, is it okay if I go for a bit of a walk?"

"I'll come with you." Nuri pushed his chair in too, just like I had done, and looked ready to follow me where ever I felt like going.

"If she wanted you to go with her she would have asked," Jannah said, not trying to be harsh or anything towards him. Nuri didn't look to happy though.

"I think she's probably right, sorry kid," Faye stood up third and wrapped her arms around her friend. "She would have told you if she wanted company."

He looked to her, then me, and then eventually nodded in agreement. "Go ahead," Faye told me, "and enjoy your alone time."

"Thanks," I muttered, and I was off out the back door.

It was a cool afternoon today, cooler then I remembered the morning had been, and the sun was hidden with no sign of ever revealing itself again. The wind was picking up, though. Maybe a storm was coming or something. I could hear the wind rustling noisily the tops of the tallest trees far above me when I came to a stop. I listened to the peaceful sound until it died down for a few moments, and left my hair to fall from how it had been blowing and dancing around my shoulders. With one deep breath, and started off running again when the wind did, but I knew where I was going now. Off to the Cullen house, where I had already caused enough trouble for a lifetime or two.

I didn't know why, wouldn't it have been great if I did? But I needed to, to ease my guilty conscious. Because I _was_ guilty. I was guilty. I had screwed up, big time.

It wasn't long until the white house had come into view, that's when I began to get nervous. Would they have told Edward what I had done to him? And would he absolutely hate me for it? Would all of them hate me? I could imagine they would, but I didn't want them to, not now.

As I traipsed up the walk and to the door I realized had expected someone to come and open it for me. Even if Alice hadn't seen my plan to come over, they had all heard me. They had to have heard me.

I stood at the front door for a second before I could open it, and when I did right there inside stood Carlisle. I froze, what was I supposed to say? He would hate me now too, if he hadn't before. I couldn't bring myself to say anything, I just tilted my head to look at the ground.

Carlisle didn't say anything either, I just continued to look straight down at the floor until he gently lay a hand on my shoulder and directed me into the house, shutting the door behind. Carlisle was silent the whole time too, for a little while, at least.

"Please look up Bella," he finally asked me politely. It was the _least _I could do for him now. For his family. I looked up at his face, it was harder then I had seen it before. "Bella, we—"

"I'm sorry!" I exclaimed, I couldn't take it. "I screwed up, I see that, because I feel like I want to go die, because I want Edward to know me, and I want to know him, because I think I'm slowly remembering everything, because—"

"Hush," Carlisle said, I don't think he was as angry anymore, but all of the others must be. None of them were anywhere within hearing range.

"I need to apologize to him, and—and to everyone else too." I went back to staring at the ground, because it didn't hate me. It didn't think I had messed up the lives of everyone I came in contact with. "I want to set things right. I just don't know what _right_ is, honestly."

"Edward would be upstairs in his room. You can start with going up to talk to him, if you would like."

I nodded solemnly, and decided to look back up at Carlisle, but I couldn't read his expression. "Okay, I think I will," I half muttered, looking up to the stairs now. I remembered where Edward's room was.

He nodded back at me like I had, and I started up the stairs, really beginning to wonder where everyone else was. Had Alice seen me come over, and they had all gone out of their way to avoid me? Or was it something even worse than that? I guess it didn't matter though, I kind of had more important things to deal with at the moment.

Upstairs, I wasn't sure if I should knock on the door or what. It was so quiet, it didn't even sound like anyone was even in there. In the end I just pushed open the door, and I was happy to be wrong about the 'him not being in here' thing. Edward was sitting on the couch, reading something or other.

The moment he saw me he put down the book and hopped up, maybe smiling slightly. I wasn't quite sure how to react, had they told him about how horrible I was? Was he going to act like before? Would he still be the same person?

"I know you, don't I?" Edward slid over to me, looking me up and down. "Why don't I remember? That's… unnatural." His expression quickly changed to puzzled.

"I'm—I'm Bella," I sort of stuttered, completely ignoring the last question, I had no way to answer it. "I do know you."

I have to admit, I was a little surprised when he didn't ask how I knew him or anything, but it was relieving. I wouldn't have known how it answer a question like that either. "It's nice to see you again, Bella, but… wait—" he cut himself off mid sentence and rushed over to his CD player, grabbing something, and hurrying back over to me. "You're Bella, this must be yours."

What he handed over to me then was a CD, and on it in tiny perfect calligraphy was the title "Bella's lullaby." Holding the little thing in my hands brought on a whole new round of emotions, not too dissimilar to how I felt when I first saw Edward back in the class room.

Definitely hopelessness, and the feeling I just wasn't good enough, I never had been, I never would be. I was stupid, I had fallen for it. I was just another human who could never be worthy of someone like Edward.

With a complete start I realized what was going through my head… but I wasn't even human! Then, with barely even a second of contemplation, I completely lapsed into darkness. Hearing only Edward's last yell of "Carlisle, something's wrong with Bella!"

That was a voice I longed to hear again, and arms I longed to hold me.

For the next few seconds it was like wind was blowing into my face, I tried to open my mouth to get a much needed breath of air but I couldn't, oxygen escaped me. It was almost the same feeling of when I had first had my memory erased, almost. But now, instead of things disappearing from my mind things were popping up everywhere, it was like someone in my head was scrambling around frantically, uncovering every memory one at a time.

When my eyes popped open the first thing that I saw was Edward, his beautiful face, and he was all I ever wanted to see again. He loved me, he had made completely sure to tell me that before, because he knew I would remember one day, and he wanted that to be the first thing I realized. Without a doubt he loved me.

I had to have been the most horrible person on earth. He had loved me unconditionally, even when I was so despicable, and look what I had done. Ruined both our lives.

"Bella?" I heard Carlisle ask from behind me. I guess he must have been in the room. "Do you—"

He didn't need to come anywhere close to asking if I remembered. "Yes!"

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**Okay, well, I'm away next weekend, but hopefully I'll still have time to write. I know, I'm cruel with this ending, aren't I? Sorry. Really, I am.  
I hope to have more done soon, but as I've realized from trying to write the next chapter words aren't coming out.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hum, has it been awhile? I can't seem remember when I last posted.... I hope it hasn't been to long, though.  
Anyway, this is a little bit of nothing. Seriously, this chapter may just be a bit of a filler. But that's all I can write right now.**

* * *

I couldn't help but completely break down again, there wasn't a whole lot else I felt capable of right now. Edward wrapped his arms around me too, because it was his shoulder I was crying on. He still didn't have a clue what was going on, though.

"Please don't be upset, Bella, it makes me sad when you're upset," he said, at least he cared. I hadn't cared when I didn't remember him. What was wrong with me? "How do I know you? Will you please tell me what's going on?"

I really didn't want to, but I turned my head around. "I'm—I'm sorry," I said to Carlisle. "I—I can't believe…" I didn't want to continue.

"It's alright," he replied to me, "I will stay here and explain, I think you may need to tell your friends what happened."

I think Carlisle knew I wanted to remember now, he wasn't worried I would run off and have my memory erased again. And he trusted them not to do that to me either. I knew they wouldn't. It was a choice I had made in the first place, and they wouldn't have erased my memory if I hadn't wanted them to.

"Okay," I muttered. I didn't want to leave though, because I belonged here.

Thinking about it, would everyone still be mad? I hoped not. I would do anything to make it up to them now. But how was I supposed to?

I turned back to look at Edward, he gave me a weak smile and stroked my hair. How could he act like this when he didn't even know what was going on? And even worse, when he could only possibly gotten small fragments of what was happening from Carlisle's thoughts, most likely making it more confusing. How could he be so… carefree? Just because that's how he was. More concerned about others then himself, loving, and just about every other good quality one person could possibly possess.

I felt so soiled wrapped in is arms. I would never be able to forgive myself for what I had done, not if everything turned out okay and Edward got his memory back. Not in a hundred thousand years. What was my problem? I decided it was better not to let myself answer that though, I'm sure I could have thought up a long enough list.

"I'll—I'll be back as soon as I can be," I promised to Edward. I wanted him to await my return, I wanted him to wait for me longingly.

What I did not want, though, was to face Nuri. Or Jannah, or Margareta, or Faye for that matter. I didn't know what to say to him "I thought I loved you but obviously not, because I don't feel nearly half of what I feel towards Edward around you?" No, that was cruel. I had been cruel before—mostly to the love of my life—but I wouldn't be again. Never again. Not if it meant killing myself in the process.

"Okay," he smiled to me. I jumped up and smiled just slightly to Carlisle as I left the room. I think he may have smiled back too. I hoped so, it seemed like I might never be forgiven, but maybe now I would.

I had barely made it down all the stairs of the large staircase when I was caught from behind, exactly how Emmett had snagged my when I escaped from Edward, except this time the arms were around my shoulders.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed, half hanging off my back.

"Alice!" it was sort of sad how all I could do was exclaim her name back at her, but I was ecstatic! She was here, and she didn't want me to go die somewhere and stop ruining her family's life! I wriggled around in her arms so I could face her, I assumed I was smiling just as wide as she was.

"You—you actually know? You remember now?!" The excitement in her eyes amazed me, did I look just as happy as she did? I assumed so, because the only thing wrong right now was that Edward didn't remember me, and that could be solved just as easy as it had for me. Other then that, I didn't think it was going to get much better then now. Except maybe with Jannah, Mar, Faye and Nuri, I didn't know where I stood with them yet.

"Yes, of course!" I exclaimed right back at Alice, I wanted to distract myself from my last thought.

"Aw, awesome!" Emmett threw his arms around me too, just like Alice had. When had everyone just appeared out of nowhere? One second the ground floor had seemed mostly deserted, and now everyone was here.

"I missed you," Alice said a little quietly, she had managed to get herself out of Emmett's arms and released me to his grip alone.

"I'm so sorry," I said miserably, hanging my head towards the ground.

"Its okay," it meant so much coming from Rosalie. _Rosalie_, the one who hated me! "Most of this is Edward's fault anyway, he left you. You did something about it."

I turned to her, my mouth slightly hanging open. How could this have been _Edward's_ fault? What had _he_ done? After he left, _I_ had made wrong decision after wrong decision. Maybe he had been off with what he thought was right for me, but so had I. "But—but—"

She shook her head quickly, a smile on her perfect lips. "Let's just get his memory back, if we're lucky it won't be too hard, and then we can forget any of this ever happened."

I wanted to reply, but I had realized I had other obligations too. "Ummm, can I use a phone?" I half stuttered, I wouldn't be able to leave now. I wanted to stay too badly.

Alice nodded quickly, taking my hand and pulling me from Emmett and off into the kitchen. She then proceeded to place a black cordless phone in my hand. I dialed and waited for a reply.

Faye was the one that answered, though her expression wasn't quite what I expected. "Uhhhhh…" she held the note for just a second, like she had never answered a phone before in her life, which I knew wasn't true.

"Hey," I replied causally, "it's Bella." I decided that she just had no clue who could possibly be calling. I had left my cell phone at home (it was hard to think of it like that now) and everyone else was probably there already. Who had any reason to be calling their house?

"Oh," she was suddenly a lot more relaxed sounding. "What's up? Where are you calling from?"

"Well... there's... quite a lot up, actually." I saved the second question for later. I would get to that eventually. "I guess just... remember everything now. There's no other way to put it."

"Whoa..." she gasped, "you just... remember? Out of nowhere? Is that possible? Seriously Bella where are you calling from?"

"I'm at Edward's house," I said calmly, looking up to Alice for support. She smiled a reassuring smile and I continued. "I—I don't know quite know how I ended up here, but I am, and now I remember."

"Well..." I wouldn't know what to say either, if I was in her situation. "Is that a good thing? I guess— I guess I'm not quite sure."

I took a deep breath. "It—it is a good thing, the best thing that could have happened. I need to make Edward remember now, though. I—I can barely believe what I did. I think all I'm good for is ruining other people's lives."

Faye's disapproving tone when she spoke again matched the look on Alice's face. "You didn't ruin anyone's life," She assured me, "so stop being so sorry for yourself."

This time, instead of a deep breath, I sighed.

"I'm going to explain to everyone over at this end, okay?" I wondered if everybody over there had heard what was going on. How would they all take it?

"Sounds good," I sort of muttered.

"Will you... be coming home at any point?" Faye asked. My gaze shifted uncomfortably to the floor.

"I will," I promised, trying to think up what to say as I went. I couldn't think of there as "home" anymore. I belonged right here. With Edward. "There's just a lot to get settled out. I'll be back soon, though."

"Good, because you're still one of us, really."

"Thanks Faye," I muttered again. It wasn't because of I was upset or anything anymore, though. I was actually really happy they hadn't ditched me.

"Bye Tess."

A faint smile crossed my face at my old nickname. It seemed like it was forever since I had heard it. "Bye." I hung up the phone and instantly handed it back to Alice. She had another smile on her face, I think it was, once again, a contagious one.

"It's the best thing ever to have you back," She said. If she was human would she have had tears in her eyes? "And it's going to be a whole lot easier to get Edward's memory back with you, too."

* * *

**I think I might need to take a break for awhile. . . Sorry about that. I just have no clue what's going to happen, and I want to post a chapter with some real substance next time. I don't know how long I'll be away from this for, but I'll probably go and work on "My Goodbye" in the meantime. **


	24. A Kind of Lover

**Okay, I would sooo not have gotten this chapter up with out the incredible help of two outside factors;**

**--The super-amazing _Divine Divinity _who has been helping me greatly and spoonfeeding me great ideas,  
--And an also-pretty-cool Canadian band call _Blue Rodeo_ (though more specifically the song "Hasn't Hit Me Yet")**

**Sorry it took so long, though I do already have the chapter after this finished.**

* * *

"Ummmm… Bella?"

As soon as I heard my name I spun around on my heels. Not really because it was my name had been said, it was _who_ had said my name.

Edward was smiling a little, and Carlisle was standing just slightly behind him. "Carlisle explained to me," he said, maybe a bit shyly, "about us."

I smiled too because, even though he was a little unsure, I think that meant I was forgiven.

He took a couple slight steps toward me, and looked down towards the ground. It was… different, to see Edward act so timidly. He had never been like that before. I tried to consider what could possibly have changed to make him act like this. I was a vampire now, but that didn't really make a huge difference, not to me at least. Except maybe that it put us on more equal footing and wouldn't make him afraid to be around me.

"And—and you don't hate me or anything?" I asked, a little unsure too. He had half a mind to hate me, but it was already evident that he didn't. Maybe I just needed reassurance.

"Of course I don't hate you!" he exclaimed, genuinely surprised and taking both my hands into his own—I wondered if everyone else in the kitchen was still watching us. Didn't they have anything else to be doing? "I—I never hated you. And I never _will _hate you. I promise." He looked back up from the floor to me. I wondered if my eyes were a dead giveaway as to how euphoric I felt. Maybe, just maybe, if I was lucky for once in my life, this would be the end of all the craziness. "I—I just want to remember you," he reached up and touched my cheek, and all I wanted was to throw my arms around him.

"How will we be able to do it?" I asked, to nobody in particular though. I just wanted someone to answer.

"You'll probably know best," Alice said, though I didn't want to break my gaze with Edward to make eye contact with her, "You're the one who's experienced it."

I tried to imagine Edward having his memories all rush back to him, all in the exact same moment. It wouldn't be as hard as it was to make me remember, because he wouldn't be resistant like I had been, he wanted this.

"I guess… we need to find a trigger or something, that's what did it for me. Something that means a lot to you," I don't know why I was suddenly talking directly to Edward, but I was.

He shook his head. "It's not an exaggeration to say I don't remember."

I smiled a weak, humorless smile, because he was right. Of course he wouldn't remember what was important to him.

"Uhh, anybody else have any ideas?" I asked, looking around to all the familiar faces surrounding us. They had to know of something we could use to get Edward's memory back.

"It's been a very eventful day," Carlisle said, smiling calmingly at me, "let's all relax for a little while and let it all sink in. Edward's memory really isn't that pressing of a concern right now, how about the two of you take a break and just talk for a little while?"

Though I didn't like the thought of having to wait a moment in excess for him to remember, Carlisle was right. Edward still didn't really _know_ me, and he should.

"That's a good idea," I replied with a slight sigh and the faint echo of a smile. "A little break could be nice."

"I think it's a good idea too," Edward said, nodding slightly in agreement.

"Okay," I replied, giving the hand I still held a small squeeze, "Lets' go."

When we headed off into the forest, we were hand in hand, just because we could be. No other reason. It was now officially dark out. Nighttime. But that affected us little to none at all, everything was perfectly clear as day.

"So… anywhere in particular we're off to?" Edward asked as we ran side by side.

"No," I said, smiling, "I think that's the best part. I didn't want to have anyone telling us where to go or what to do."

Edward contemplated that for a minute. "Is that what… the other coven you were with did?" he asked, "Did they try to control you?"

"Of course not!" I remembered back to the night Jannah had tried to shove me out the window to see what was up with Edward. The night Alice had seen… I couldn't even think it. But that reminded me, the photo, I wanted to find that photo. I would show it to Edward sometime. "Maybe… maybe there was some peer pressure but they would never had done anything that they didn't think was in my best interest. You thought you had known what was in my best interest, and so did they, when they erased my memory… and—and I thought I had known what was in _your_ best interest, but what could possibly have been more wrong? Look at what I've done, Edward, look at what I've done."

He slowed us to a stop, swinging around so we were face to face. His perfect eyes bore into mine. "When you appeared in the door way of my room, I knew there was something special about you. And it wasn't just that I couldn't read your mind. I knew you, Bella, and I was so overcome by… everything," He was quiet, and still maybe a bit shy, "I never thought I needed someone, like all my brothers and sisters did. Then I just saw you and I knew I needed you, I couldn't possibly live without you, and… I almost had you. But there was something separating us still. Something more I needed to get passed to finally have you."

My eyes were shut by the time he finished, and I was taking steady breaths just to make sure I didn't break down. "When… I first saw you after I had, had my memory erased it was… like that. Everything, everything I had ever felt." I still remembered the memory like it was yesterday—I liked remembering things for once and not just being told about them—when Edward had tried to make me talk to him after class. How I had felt like I might collapse… and had to lean on him for support. And then I just tore away from him like that. I felt remotely like I wanted to be sick, thinking about it now.

"I—I didn't mean to upset you so much," Edward quickly comforted, taking my face in his hands tenderly, as if he wasn't sure if he was allowed to do so or not, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I forced a trembling smile onto my face, one which probably did nothing for my case.

"Um, Bella, I—I need you to answer a question for me, please."

"Absolutely anything in the world."

"You are mine now, right? I mean, I'm sorry if that sounded possessive, but we can be together now? How I felt was just about your memory, but now you remember…and… you love me?"

"I love you, Edward. I'll say it a thousand times if need be. I love you."

"Thank you, Bella," he gazed up at me in a way the old Edward would have. "That is… the most beautiful thing to hear."

"It's the truth, I swear," I just wanted him to remember me now. I know we were on our break, but it was a total need. But… I had done it, so I would face the consequences. Without making everyone suffer too. I could stay optimistic, and keep all my doubts to myself. Especially from Edward, because never once when I was around him had he acted hopeless. He knew—he knew I still loved him underneath all, and he was just ready to do whatever it took to get my memory back

"I'm very glad," he smiled, not noticing the various thoughts running through my head.

"Me too," remembering him was the best thing in the world, I didn't care the consequences I how had to face with Nuri, it was worth it. Edward was my whole life, my whole universe. I never wanted to be apart from him again. I wouldn't be able to be.

"Bella…" my face was still held gently between his hands, and for second it seemed like he had forgotten. Then, without a moments warning, his lips were pressed against mine, and we were… kissing. My arms locked around his neck in an instant, and I was pulling him as close to me as physically possible. It still wasn't close enough, though.

I could barely believe what was going on, how I had thought, when Edward left me, I would never kiss him so fervently again. I would never kiss him _at all_ again. I just… wanted this one brief moment to last forever and ever. Now I could finally have the life with Edward I had always wanted.

Suddenly he pulled his lips off of mine, well before I had, had my fill of him. I tried desperately to pull him close to me again, because the emotion I now felt was a need and I didn't want to know what would happen if I didn't fulfill it.

Edward gently lay a finger on my lips though, silently saying now was not the time. "Alice," he suddenly blurted out.

"Alice?" I asked, confused beyond belief.

"She's—" he looked over his shoulder briefly, then back to me, "she had a vision."

I panicked. "Of what?" I asked quickly, my eyes wide. "Is it something bad? Edward, I—I can't stand anymore happening. Please don't tell me it's anything bad, please."

He took a deep breath and spun us around to the direction he had first turned and looked. Alice was running towards us, not looking frantic or anything like I felt, but looking serious enough.

"Edward…?" I said again, turning to him.

"She'll explain in a moment," he said. Why couldn't he just tell me?

I took a deep breath and then let it out. It was suddenly hard to accept again that Edward didn't remember me, and that I had two families I now needed to choose between, and that I had a kind-of lover that I needed to confront.

"Are you okay, Bella?" was the first thing Alice asked me when she reached us. I wondered if I looked like I was falling apart or something. Regardless of how I looked I still felt much more stable than for the last few days previous. Now I knew what was fact and what was fiction, I wasn't unsure and I knew what was need and what was desire.

"Fine," I assured, glancing quickly to Edward for just a second. I didn't even know why, I just wanted to see his face. "I just… what is it? What did you see, Alice?"

She flashed a faint smile but it faded far too fast to provide me any comfort. "Edward and your friend, Nuri, got into a fight. You need to go over there, Bella, you need to tell them what's going on and what's going to happen."

"What's going to happen?" I asked, I was hoping maybe she could give me some advice as to what to do.

"That's your choice to make, I'm not going to influence you."

I opened my mouth to reply, to say something about the fact that there wasn't much choice to be made, I needed to be with Edward, but he beat me to words. "Who is… Nuri, Bella?" I could barely bear to see the brokenhearted look now on Edward's face. "You said you were mine." It was also hard to hear the words, because they were spoken so softly.

"I am!" I cried out, I had utterly forgotten that he wouldn't know who Nuri was. How was I supposed to tell him? "I-I love you, honestly, he's just a friend who thinks he's more, who I thought was more, but only when I didn't remember you. It was because I didn't know what love was really like. I know now, I remember, Edward. And—and I really, really do love you."

He looked at me intently for a moment, like he just may not believe me.

"I need to tell and the rest of my friends what's happened. I promise to come back quickly, I don't want to be gone for long."

His face softened, and I felt just a little bit better. "How long will you be?" he asked.

"I don't know for sure," I replied, thinking it over. I wanted to stay for a little while with Jannah, Faye and Mar, but—I didn't know if Edward would want to hear that.

"Would you like me to come with you?" Alice asked, "Edward and I could both come."

I turned down the offer by quickly shaking my head. Even if no one was mad at _me_, they would be at my friends. Even if I didn't blame them, the Cullens probably would, because of what happened to Edward. That was my fault, though.

"You're… sure?" Edward asked.

"Yes," I confirmed, "they're my family, not yours. I need to go talk to them alone."

He looked slightly hurt, but Alice spoke, "so at what point do we assume the worst?" she asked, "how long until we can come looking for you?"

"There isn't going to be a worst," I informed her, "like I said, they're also my family, Alice. They would never do anything to hurt me."

"Okay," she sounded a little unsure of herself, but nodded anyway. "C'mon Edward, lets head back home."

He took a step towards Alice, away from me, but then turned and looked back. "I love you, Bella," he said.

"I love you too," I smiled, "I'll be back soon, it won't seem like long."

"Okay," he whispered, turning back once again to Alice. They took off in a second. I watched for a moment before swinging around so I faced the other way and began to run myself.

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**I'm thinking of deleting Jannah's back story... I have** **almost finished Faye's** **but I don't think anyone would read it.**


	25. What Was Not Meant

**I am SO sorry for how long this took, especially to the people I told it would be soon. Everything's hectic in preparation for my EIGHTH GRADE TRIP! (Which will be from the 8th to the 10th) I would say I'm more scared then excited, though. **

**This chapter definitely isn't the best of my work, but it's a chapter I forced out. I've been absolutely terrible with revising recently... I have no patients for it.**

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The quaint little house was almost too familiar as I approached it. I had been here not even an hour ago, but already it seemed like something from a distant dream, something I had once believed was the only place I belonged. The only place I could remember ever living.

I decided it was best if I came around the front, for some reason I didn't want to just show up by surprise. I hurried around my home—my second home—slowly, but by the time I was to the front it barely took Margareta a second to have appeared in the doorway. She waited not even another instant before running to me with the excitement so evident in her character

"You're back!" Mar exclaimed, her arms were thrown around my neck with no warning. It was far more comforting then I would have expected, to know that I could still trust, and was still trusted by her and everyone else here. I guess I was slightly worried they would just move on because they thought I had, but it was more than reassuring to know that wasn't how she was thinking, and that I wasn't going to be hated.

"Of course I came back!" I replied, hugging her tightly too, "Why would you think I wouldn't?"

"I don't know…" she said unsurely, easing the embrace and taking a step away from me, "we didn't know exactly what 'you remembering' meant, so I guess we thought you would want to stay with them."

"I wouldn't do that…" I guess my slight shock came from the prospect that any of them thought I would act like that, didn't they know me better? "You—you guys are family. Really, how you could you even consider yourselves not?"

She smiled, that was a good sign. "So what happens now that you remember?"

I had to take a deep breath, suddenly I didn't know what I was going to say. "Well… I was hoping _you_ might be able to tell me that."

Jannah and Faye were standing on the walkway up to the house, I looked up to them now. Faye was smiling just a little, but Jannah looked indifferent. I had learned from experience not to judge her emotion by how she looked, though. You could never really tell how she was feeling. Even after an in-depth conversation, you just could never be sure if she was going to change her mind with one wrong phrase said, or if she had been sarcastic the whole time.

"You want _me_ to tell you?" I guess I could understand why that surprised her, "don't you… have an idea? What big decision do you have to make? But, for now you're going to stay, right? You… you're not going to just leave?"

"Of course I'll stay!" at least, that was my plan for the next little while. I didn't know exactly how long I would—or could—be able to, though. All I knew was that it would be as long as possible. I didn't like how she shot so many ideas at me, either, I was supposed to be the one she was helping, not the other way around. I was the one who was confused, and who now had to make a decision that could possibly hurt not only myself but everyone I'd ever loved. "I—I love Edward," I said quietly, "and… he loves me too."

"Oh…" she considered for a moment, but her tone was quickly back to a joking one, "We should probably go inside either way, unless you prefer to stand out here all day long."

"No," I smiled lightly at her humor, even though I didn't like how she dismissed the thought that Edward and I were in love. Everything had been so crazy the last few days that humor had been something I missed. "We can go inside."

She took my hand and pulled me to the door, up the driveway and then the walk where Faye and Jannah still where.

"I'm happy to see you," Faye said, had it really seemed that much like I wasn't coming back? Maybe I had really upset them. "I think you seem a little less… in emotional turmoil too."

Had I been in emotional turmoil? Okay, so I was confused, but in turmoil? Did I have to that bad of skills at contemplating my own condition? Had I always seen everything for less than it was? I had never considered my state to be that bad. Maybe when Edward left… but not now.

It bugged me just slightly how unresponsive Jannah was being, though, and I wasn't just now beginning to notice this when I needed a distraction. She was too confusing to keep up to. Last time I was around her she wasn't like this… maybe she was angry at me.

We went inside, where of which there was no Nuri. Now I was worried about him. Sure, I understood one hundred percent if he never wanted to look at me again, but it might be nice if someone would at least tell me where he was away to.

The four of us ended up settling down in the living room, just like we used to. Except I really missed Nuri's constant stream of jokes and comments that you just couldn't help but laugh at. I would never be able to ask the question of where he was, though. Even though I wanted to know so badly… but I just couldn't bring myself to ask. I was sure they noticed my absentness though, I constantly thought of him.

For awhile the air was filled with small talk, but only between three of us. Jannah never ceased to be… quietly Jannah. But at least she was still sitting with us. If she had some sort of motive to kill me then she wouldn't have stayed in the room.

It was an hour or two in total—or possibly even more then that—before I stopped to consider there were other people waiting for me elsewhere, other people I was just slightly anxious to get back to. But… I was slightly anxious to stay here, too. Alice and Edward better not show up here, I thought to myself. I still hadn't accomplished the mission, which was the reason as to why I had come so early (I had always intended to come back). That was a thought that eased my guilty conscious as to staying here so long. I _couldn't_leave, not until I had talked with Nuri. And at the rate we seemed to be going at I doubted I would see him anytime soon. It gave me a much desired excuse to stay, I would certainly not have an issue with that. How long would Alice let me stay here, though? What if Nuri wasn't even _here_? I hoped he was.

Faye seemed most interested in what happened now, and in reality, I wished I knew. I guess I was kind of torn… and being here just signified that more. I had to make a choice, and it would affect everyone… but that choice was already made… and I realized that Mar's power may have been what got all of us into this whole mess, but I loved her, and everyone else. I blamed no one but myself.

"So, you really have no clue where we go from here?" Faye asked a variation of the same question for what seemed about the millionth time.

"Yeah," what more than that was I supposed to say? "But—but I get Edward's memory back first. I know that. Then we go from _there_."

"Will it take as long as it did getting your's back?" It felt a little strange to have Mar ask about it, this was her power, she was the one who knew—or should know—these kinds of things.

"I don't think so, and I hope not too. There are a whole lot of differences, but no one can be sure."

She nodded and that's when the front door opened. Of course I knew who it was, who else would show up without any warning? It was Nuri, this was his house too.

"We're in here," Faye called to him, but why I wasn't sure. Of course he already knew where we were, and would most likely already know I was here too. Maybe Faye had said it just to make him come visit, now if he ignored her it would seem rude.

"Hey," Nuri said as he entered the room, lingering in the doorway. If he was trying to act detached then he was doing a pretty crappy job at it, our eyes had already locked and his clearly purveyed enough regret for the both of us. What did mine purvey?

"How… are you?" it was pitiful, yes, but I felt I needed to say something and at least this was some form of reply.

"I'm not going to lie," Faye bluntly informed us, she was always like that, "I think you two need to go talk, and I'm trying to help and make this less awkward, honestly. Just cut the crap and go chat about whatever needs chatting about."

I guess it was embarrassing, but she was telling the dead truth. There was no point to just going on acting childish, we had issues that needed to be dealt with.

"Okay," I said, standing up before Nuri had a second to answer, "she's right."

I could tell he didn't like that idea either, but he nodded solemnly.

"Upstairs?" I asked. It was more for approval from Faye then anything, I still thought of Nuri as her's. Because… he really was in my eyes.

Faye didn't object in any way shape or form, and Nuri seemed to agree too. I guess it was still slightly awkward, but I walked over to him and took his hand in my own, leading him up the stairs.

My room was our destination, and I was secretly thrilled about it. This place held a lot of reassurance now, it was my own little quiet, comfortable space where I could be alone, where I could think and not be disrupted. It was calm and like neutral ground in my time of slight uproar.

Nuri pushed open the door and slid inside first. I followed along. Though everyone downstairs could hear us anyway, I decided it was common curtsey to shut the door behind me. He sat down on the bed, and I decided to pull myself up on the desk, the one that Jannah had sat on when she interrupted my thinking that night.

Nuri and I both looked at each other for a moment after we were settled; the silence seemed to be getting thicker by the second. We were alone now, all by ourselves. There was no Faye to roll her eyes and shake her head, then say something that was so true you had to shake your head right back at her.

Finally, I pulled my legs up onto the desk I sat on. Then I wrapped my arms around them. "I'm sorry," I put my head down lightly, "I didn't mean for this to happen."

"What didn't you mean for to happen?" his voice sounded calmer then I might have expected, but I wasn't sure if that meant he was handling it better than I thought he would, or if he was just about to lose it.

"I didn't mean…" what didn't I mean? I—I just didn't want to say anymore. I didn't want to hurt him at all.

Nuri sensed my hesitation, "you know I love you." It wasn't a question, it was a plain statement, right out loud for me to hear. I couldn't deny it, I couldn't hide from it.

"Yeah, I know," I couldn't return what he had said, I couldn't. I didn't feel like that anymore.

"That's what I thought." He picked up the meaning pretty quick too.

"That's why I'm sorry."

Just for a second, it was quiet again. He was looking up at me, and I down at him. Then he shook his head lightly, and I watched his hair fall flat back against his face when he stopped.

"So now you run off and be with them, right? With _him_?" Now his words had more of a biting edge. I should have expected that, I deserved it, but it hurt.

"No," I whispered, "no, I don't want to go."

"Well you should!" his voice was raised, he yelled, and his words hurt even more. "You're just making it worse by being here. Worse for yourself and everybody else."

I felt like I should have tears in my eyes, like I should definitely be crying. "Okay," I whimpered faintly, shoving off the piece of furniture I was on and beginning to make my way to the door, head hung in shame. Nuri intervened before I could get there, though. He wrapped his arms around me from behind. "I didn't mean it!" he pleaded, "I'm so sorry, Bella, I didn't mean it!"

I spun around in his arms slowly, "then why did you say that?" I just wanted to sob, he was right, it would be best if I never saw any of them ever again. I should just go.

"Because I want to think I don't care if you leave me or not, I want to think that this won't break my heart." His eyes were sincere, and it tortured me, "I want to think that you're not a need, and that I might be able to survive without you."

"I don't want to do this," I finally let out a sob, he pulled me closer so I could put my head on his shoulder.

"What don't you want to do?" Nuri asked, while I began letting out a continuous stream of sobs.

"I don't want to hurt anyone anymore! But it's not possible! I just have to ruin the lives of everyone I meet!"

"Shh, it's alright," he soothed, how he could do it well so hysterical himself was amazing. "You worry far too much about everything, Bella. You need to take a deep breath and be calm."

"No," I whispered into his shoulder, "no, I can't."

"And why not?"

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

"Good," his voice was a heck of a lot calmer. "I don't want you getting yourself so hyped up, okay?"

I nodded into his shoulder again, this didn't much sound like Nuri had some vicious plan to attack Edward, he seemed more understanding then anything. But… if that's what Alice saw then it must have just about happened. Maybe if I had just decided to stay away from here, even if I had just delayed my return a little bit, he might have thought I had forgotten about him and he would be angry. Maybe that's why Alice told me I needed to defuse the situation.

"Are we finished with talking this over?" he asked after my silent moment.

"I guess," I replied, what else was there?

"Like you said earlier, you get his memory back and go from there?" Nuri asked once again.

"Yes," I replied, though what I had said earlier didn't really apply to him. The way he said it, it sounded like there might still be a chance we could still be together. That wasn't a possibility.

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**Anyone care to know that I have the whole rest of this fic planned out? THANK YOU to everyone who helped and knew what I was going through!! I love you all a whole lot!!  
There is a projected three or four more chapters to go. **

**(I will also not be updating for a while after I get back from the trip, so please take note of that.)**


	26. A Different Kind of Approach

**Has it been too long? Yeah... sorry... and have I announced yet that I have FINISHED writing this story!?!!! Yeah, pretty crazy. There are... two more chapters, an epilogue, then another chapter that needed to be written. It seems too short to end it off, huh? Well... compared with some of the ideas I've thrown around its pretty uneventful. I think that it would be a good ending, though, if there weren't higher expectations. **

**So... you could just lower your expectations and it'll all be fine!!**

**This also so DEFINITELY not the best of my writing ability, but I really wanted to post because I'm going away again soon. I will warn you now; this chapter is very OOC on many parts!!**

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So, our conversation finished, and I left just like I said I was going to. Then I was gone, and a whole lot more unnerved feeling. I didn't know what it was but I felt like this wasn't good. I didn't know when but I made a silent promise to myself that this would end well. But… how _could_ this end well? It didn't seem like there was any way by any means. One way or another someone would get hurt.

I arrived back at the Cullen's house and of course Edward was waiting. I had, had a feeling he would be, but I hadn't considered it much. His eyes were focused meekly on the ground, and he stood dead still on the front porch. I smiled a little to myself and sped up, not hesitating to throw my arms around his neck.

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking up.

"Yeah," I replied, sounding surprised just because I really was. "Of course I'm fine, of—of course. They would never do anything to hurt me, Edward, and you shouldn't believe they would either."

He didn't seem to like that much, maybe because you could say that it was technically a jab at him. I didn't get why he couldn't relax and let me do what I needed to, though. Maybe—maybe he was insecure; maybe he loved me and really was afraid that I just didn't feel the same. Like I had been when I was human. I didn't really have a clue, though, that was just my silly speculation. Maybe I was way off, and it was just a little bit of jealousy.

"Come inside," he said, ignoring how touchy I had been, but it also could have been him just wanting to pretend I hadn't said anything at all. "Alice has been a little uptight too, she missed you."

"It really hasn't been that long," I informed him, "maybe a few hours. I'm—I'm hurting Nuri, and he deserves more than just a quick goodbye and see you later. I don't think you quite get it, Edward." I wasn't ready to just drop this topic as he seemed to be.

Edward pulled open the door and gestured me inside while he spoke again. "I thought you loved me," he said in a confused and slightly hurt voice.

"I do!" I exclaimed, frustrated now. "See, I told you, you don't get it!" more than anything it made me saddest to see how different he was suddenly acting. This wasn't the Edward from before. I thought that as soon as I got my memory back and he said he still wanted me that it would be fine for us. I could smile, resolve the issues with Nuri in a clean manner, and then it would be like I always wanted it to be. I thought I was out of the water, but as it seemed, apparently not. I couldn't be happy until I accomplished the task of making him remember.

"I'm sorry," all of a sudden his head was hung in shame, as Alice stepped into the room. Maybe she had been ridiculing him in her thoughts. "I'm not being supportive, am I? I'm sorry. You can… do whatever, and take all the time you need, Bella. I'm just scared I'll do something wrong and you'll change your mind, you'll leave. It would be an easy decision for you to make, you've got someone waiting with open arms at the other end, someone who doesn't require extensive memory-jogging to be with. "

I shook my head, "it's not like that, Edward. This isn't a decision based on convenience. And—and I don't know_ how_ in the world you think it could be." I hated that he thought like that. I would never just run off… never.

Before he could say anything Alice stepped in, changing the subject almost completely. "How did everything go?" she asked, looking quite interested in whatever I was about to say.

"It was okay," I informed her, happy for the subject change. "There isn't a whole lot more to tell. I spoke with Nuri, and as of right now he doesn't seem quite like he wants to attack anymore."

"Alright…" she said thoughtfully, maybe just slightly conflicted by what she had seen and what I had to report. "Are you going to go hang out with Edward for a little while? Like, to try to jog his memory?"

I looked to Edward and swiftly nodded. Just because everything wouldn't be alright until he got his memory back didn't mean it had to be a hard or lengthily process. It would just take a few days, not even that, and then he would throw his arms around me and kiss my face lovingly. It would all be fine.

The two of us went upstairs, and after just an hour and a half or so I realized that it would _not _be fine. I had tried telling him everything—every moment we had ever spent together, when I was human, when I didn't remember him, and what was going through my head the second he handed me the CD. (He strongly disliked the fact that he couldn't read my thoughts, and that he didn't already know) But there wasn't even a hint of any memory. Just like when he had tried to make _me_ remember… but at least I had finally remembered _something_.

Second, I had tried the CD. But, even thought the music held an abundance of comfort and safety for me, he felt zero. It hurt to have him shake his head like that to signify there was nothing, and that I remained still a stranger. But I tried anyway, I tried and failed.

Edward, through all of this, just kept telling me he was sorry, and asking if I still loved him, and then asking if I still loved him again. I told him sure, but I also told him he was annoying the crap out of me. Then he would just ask if I loved him again.

"Edward, I'm sorry, I can't take this anymore." I jumped off the couch we were sitting on and quickly paced around, in my hands were fistfuls of hair.

"Bella?" Edward asked, jumping up too. I walked back over and looked at him for a minute, then wrapped my arms around him.

"Everything's crazy, everything's always crazy. I just need some alone time for a minute. Some peace of mind. Is that okay with you?"

He smiled understandingly and nodded his head, oh_, now_ he could be understanding. "Yes, that's okay. I'll be back when you think you're ready for some company again."

I agreed too, and he was gone, leaving me in my silence, and leaving me to my thoughts. I guess it technically wasn't silent, not considering I could hear everything everyone was saying. But I blocked it out anyway, so I _could _be in the quiet. I didn't even know why I wanted to suddenly be alone. I had just decided out of the blue that it was best. I needed some sort of strategy, some more clear idea as to how to get his memory back. If I was here without any pressure then maybe my idea would come easier.

Slowly, like I wasn't even one hundred percent sure what I was doing, I decided to stretch out on the carpet. I lay on my back and stared up at the white ceiling above me. Maybe it was a little bit overly melodramatic, but that was what I did. I spent a little while like that too, I didn't know why, but I was glad that Edward didn't come back. I seemed to always be everywhere, doing something… with Nuri, telling him I was sorry, or with Edward, telling him about us. I enjoyed being alone for a little bit.

My silence was finally interrupted by a knock on the door, a soft, unexpected knock. I bolted upright and sat stationary on the floor for a second. "Come in," I finally said, it took me so long that I half wondered if whoever had been there left.

"Hey," Alice said, coming into the room and closing the door behind her. "How's it going?"

"Fine, I guess" I told her, standing up and brushing myself off, trying to look half presentable.

"You _guess_?" she asked, pursing her lips together in a sceptical look.

"No," I corrected myself, "I'm perfect, I swear." I smiled and wondered if it looked fake, because I wasn't perfect.

She still looked displeased at that. "What is it, Bella? What's so wrong? And please don't deny it, if you want me to help you need to tell me what's going on for you."

I sighed and made a conscious decision to tell her, there was no point to trying to accomplish something I couldn't by myself and just wasting everyone's time. I wasn't the weak one anymore, and I should know when to ask for help. I knew I could tell Alice anything, so I might as well go to her when I needed it.

"Let's go for a walk or something," I said, dragging my heels all the way over to her and hanging my head.

"Alright," she seemed pleased with herself that she was going to get out of me what was wrong. "No problem, let's go." She took my hand and we were quickly out of the house without seeing a single person. It was like… everyone stayed out of my way for some reason.

We wandered around outside in the forest for a minute, I was reluctant to explain why I was suddenly so upset. Just a little while ago I was promising myself I wouldn't bug anyone else about what was my fault and here I was already whining to Alice for help with getting Edward's memory back.

"C'mon Bella," Alice turned to me and gave her best '_I'm older and I know what's best_' look. I more or less loved it, because that made me feel like part of the family, like I belonged. "Tell me what's up or I'll call Jasper. You'll have no hope of hiding it from him."

I smiled at her joke and began to explain. "It's just… hard to be around Edward now, I feel like everything that's been done is my fault and… I miss him, Alice. I miss the over protective Edward who would have me in him arms before I even had a chance to trip. I feel so bad, this is all my fault, and I want to solve it alone but I can't. I don't know how."

Alice gave her head a quick shake and wrapped her arms around me in an embrace. "Edward is anything but your responsibility, Bella, don't think he's your child to look after. You're in love with him, and you've haven't even known him for much over a year. We might need to try something from before he met you. Don't worry though, everything's going to come around in time."

"Thanks Alice," I muttered, still feeling slightly guilty, but relieved too. I pulled her tiny physique closer to me for a minute then let her go. "I feel bad still... I _did_ cause—"

"Stop being so stubborn, Bella." Suddenly Alice's look had turned to disapproval. "We could take Edward up to Alaska and if you'd like you could stay here."

I considered for a moment, Alaska had been where Edward went when he first couldn't handle my blood. Maybe that was the best idea. Then… then I could have a few days happy with Nuri before I would have to leave.

"What do you think?" Alice asked, "It might even be within the week. I promise it'll be okay. I promise."

"That sounds like a great plan," I smiled and for a second but I still felt only half hearted. "You know you're the best person ever, right Alice?"

She laughed and agreed. "And don't worry a thing about Edward, I'll tell him. I'll call you the second I have an update too."

"You're sure?" I pursed my lips, still unconfident.

"Positive, now go ahead." She pointed off to a random direction in the forest.

"Thanks. You really are the best."

* * *

**It was hard enough to come to terms with the end on paper, but posting it'll be pretty crazy again. I'll miss this story for sure!  
If you're looking for something else to read, check out My Goodbye! I think it's a lot better written then this one at some points, and a heck of a lot different! Just hang in until chapter nine!**

**Thanks for being awesome!**


	27. Change Your Mind

**Well, yes, I'm back. Did anyone know I was gone? Whatever, that doesn't even matter. **

**Okay, I really hope this goes over well. I think it's not going to be what you guys expected but... gosh, just don't eat me, okay? Please? **

**Number of chapters left: 2 + an epilouge (yup, I'm counting down.)**

* * *

I was back again, now sprawled out on the couch like I owned the place. No one seemed to mind, though. Nuri sat on the floor leaning against sofa I was on, and Faye and Mar were opposite us. Jannah, I had already been told, was out hunting.

"So what's going on?" I had just arrived a minute ago and all we had really gotten past were the initial hellos.

"Nothing's helping with Edward and getting his memory back, so Alice decided to take him up to Alaska. Everyone's going, but I—I wanted to stay here."

"How long will they be there?" Nuri asked, moving to turn around so he could to face me.

"As long as it takes, I think. Alice said she'd call me whenever she had an update. I want it to be soon... but I don't know with the way it's going. I just—I need Edward to remember me." It was quiet for a second, then I realized what I just might have said wrong. Faye was watching Nuri, Mar was watching Faye, and Nuri, who was still turned, was watching me. I was watching him too, but it was more starring intently into his eyes.

Neither of us could quite say anything, but our expressions purveyed enough. I think that Faye was worried about her best friend too, she looked from Nuri for a second to make eye contact with Mar, then her eyes trailed back to him.

Nuri had already pulled himself up onto the couch now, and wrapped his arms around me. I put my head down on his chest and took a deep breath. The silence continued, not in an awkward way, but in sad, somewhat depressing kind of way. I wanted this, but not as much as I wanted Edward. Not as much as I needed him.

"Answer me honestly, please, do you love me Bella?"

I didn't even really need to think about it, and I didn't even consider the answer I gave him to not be a truthful one. "Yeah, I do." I said, "I love you. And—and I want to be with you, but..."

He pulled me closer, not bothering with the fact that we weren't the only ones in the room. Neither of us really cared. "I—I had hoped. I know this must make it a thousand times worse for you but I had still hoped." The way he looked at me he seemed to be wondering if that was so selfish on his part, that he wanted me to love him.

"I'm sorry," I had nothing else to say, I just wanted him to know that I had never wanted to hurt him.

"I don't want you to keep saying you're sorry. What can I do to change your mind?" he took a deep breath and let it out, running his fingers through my hair. "What can I do to make you stay here with me? Please, there's got to be something, please tell me there's a way."

I stared off away, from everyone else's gazes. I didn't want to know what they now thought of me. I was sure the disapproval was enough to kill. "I have to be with Edward, I have to be. I—I don't know if I could survive without him."

Nuri was silent, what I said must have hurt him, it was easy enough to guess why. "But... think about it. It's perfect, it's _logical_. He—he doesn't even know you, he wouldn't even know what happened and... and..."

I shook my head just slightly. "It wouldn't be right. Edward... he—he still loves me and I still love him. It can't be like that, Nuri, it just can't."

His fingers stopped combing through my hair for a moment, and I think I felt the worst I could possibly feel. "Okay," I whispered faintly, "I really think you were right all along. I should leave and stop hurting the people around me. It's best for everyone in the long run if I just go now." I tried to stand up after I finished talking, but Nuri's arms held me back.

"Listen, if you're going to go and disappear on me in the next few days I want to spend as long as I can with you now. I don't care if it hurts me more later, I want to be with you until the second you have to go."

I hid my face deeper for a moment or two before I looked up to Faye and Mar. Faye's expression was pained, but the second I looked at her she seemed to think I had given her an opportunity for input. "I've known Nuri since... let's just leave it at almost 100 years, and I've never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you, never acted towards someone like he acts towards you. He's never been in love... and then with nothing more than a few days and a few words, its case closed. You were inseparable."

I felt like crying, because that's exactly what Alice had said Edward was like. Now I had just hurt both of them. And there was nothing I could do, no alternative to make everyone happy, it wouldn't be possible. I had to hurt myself and someone else too. It would even have been be fine if I could get off without hurting anyone else, it would have been okay if I was only making myself suffer. But, as it was, it was too much to bear.

I thought maybe Faye would have more to say after that, something to add or at least tell me openly I should stay here and be with Nuri. But she didn't, it returned to silence. I was getting sick of silence. I never knew what anyone was thinking, or how they felt, or if they were preparing at any given moment to spring from the couch and attack me.

"I—I really think that I should leave," I said. I didn't want to do this, I never had. I squirmed around a little to see Nuri's face.

He looked at me like I may have just uttered the words that would sentence him to death. "Bella... don't. I'll beg you to stay. I won't let you leave... there's no point to going before you have to. I want to be with you... please, please. I'll beg you."

I kept my expression as empty as possible, I didn't want to show how much what he said really affected me. I wanted him to say that, I really did want to know how much I meant to him.

"Don't tell me you're still going to put up a fight." He said, looking so sincerely hurt.

"I'm not going to put up a fight. I—I want to be here too, it's not like I'd enjoy leaving." I don't think I could possibly have torn my eyes from him after that.

~*~*~*~

It had been over a week now, a week with absolutely nothing. No contact with Alice, not a phone call, not a letter, not a telegram, not anything. I half thought about just calling her myself, but I decided against it. What if they were close? What if I was interrupting them or something? I missed Edward, regardless of the fact that I spent all my time with Nuri and enjoyed it thoroughly, I missed Edward—the old one. The one I loved.

Jannah had return to normal fairly soon, after acting like she had when I came back with my memory. I would never know what went through her head. She was just someone you could never figure out—maybe Edward could help me with that one day. I didn't know what could possibly have triggered how she acted towards me at first that day, but I also learned by this point you didn't ask.

"Bella... what if they can't do it? What if they can't make him remember? You'll stay with me then, right?" Faye and Mar were out hunting now, and Jannah was downstairs. Nuri and I had gone just a few days prior.

"I don't know. I—I wish I did, really, but I don't. I wish... but I really love Edward." There was silence for a second but I quickly decided on something else to say instead. "What about Faye? You... you seem so close to her, have you ever felt like that... you know, towards her?"

He laughed in a funny way, as if for some reason that comment thoroughly amused him. "No, I don't feel like that about her. I've always thought of her as a little sister, she's never much been considered a love interest. You're right in saying really close, though. We've always been like that."

I guess that cleared up a little bit of what I wanted to know, but I still had another question to try to create small talk. "Why weren't you here when Faye and Mar and Jannah came? Where were you?"

He smiled again, and seemed to enjoy any topic that didn't consist of the fact that I would be leaving soon. "I was off doing things," he said, "Faye, Margareta and I had spent so long in the same place, doing the same things. I wanted to leave America and see more of everywhere. For some reason they seemed content, but I was still restless."

Thinking about it, Nuri seemed the restless type. He liked to go out and do things.

"When—when Edward gets his memory back what will you do?" I asked. It was a sensitive topic, yes, but I wanted to make sure everything would still be alright with him. I didn't want his lifestyle to be altered just because of me.

"I'll stay here." He bluntly informed me. "I'll probably wait, thinking you'll come back. Faye will comfort me, and maybe Mar will erase my memory. It all depends. I'll never be the same, though, Bella. I could never possibly be the same."

I sighed, I just wish this didn't have to happen. But sooner or later I would get the call, and I would leave, not knowing if I would ever come back. "Hey," suddenly Jannah was in the doorway of our usual hangout—my room. "It's my turn," she insisted, "come on, you've had her all day."

Nuri looked at her reluctantly for a minute, I don't think he was quite ready to have our conversation brought to an end just yet. I didn't know if I was either. "Why? It's not like you have anything you need to discuss with her."

"And who says I don't?" She asked marching further into the room, hands on hips.

"I'm not joking." I could tell by his tone Nuri really wasn't. He wrapped an arm defiantly around me. "I don't have that long..."

Jannah sighed. "I realize that, but it doesn't make her yours. I have just as much right to a conversation with Bella as you do. The faster you get your butt out of this room, the faster you can get her back."

He looked to me, but all I could do was shake my head. She was Jannah, and she was strong-willed, and if she wanted a conversation it was going to be hard to convince her otherwise. "Oh.... okay." He stood up and gave me a longing look. "I'll be back as soon as she lets me." With one last dark glare at Jannah he disappeared from the room, leaving the door open.

"So, how would you be doing?" Jannah asked, coming over and taking the place Nuri has sat on the bed. Just a little less intimately, of course.

"I'm still breathing—in a sense," she laughed and reached back, beginning to braid her hair behind her head.

"I just wanted to get a few things straight, okay? So it's... they call, you leave, and then you don't come back, right? I know, it may sound a little harsh but I want you, yourself, to know what's going on. And I wouldn't mind knowing too."

I didn't want to think it over, but I guess it really was right. "I—I guess, yeah, unless something changes that seems to be the way it'll go."

"Okay," she said, nodding matter-of-factly. "I wanted to know." She didn't seem overly intent of saying anymore after that, which bugged me. She kicked Nuri out, just ask one simple question? That barely seemed fair... so, for the second time in a few hours or less, I was going to have to ask the questions, just to break the silence I hated so much.

"Jannah..." I began quietly, and rather unsurely too. "I don't want to—to sound rude or anything, but why wouldn't you talk to me when I came back and—and I remembered everything? I know it's kindof intrusive, but—"

"Relax, Bella, I would be curious too. You don't have to assume that I'll be angry. None of us really quite know what it is, Mar used to think it may have been a side effect of having my memory erased, having _so much_ of my memory erased... or defense mechanism, like a vampire power something, but whenever I'm introduced a new situation or concept I get really reserved. Well, not reserved, but... you know. And when that's going on I'm a lot more perceptive, I'm not biased by anything and I see stuff for what it is. I pick up on a lot more... but it's not something I can turn off and on, it's not overly common either. Since I met you it's happened more than in the total number of years I've been a vampire."

I was now the silent one. Yes, it was slightly hypocritical. I just wanted to think that over, though. It was an interesting idea, Carlisle would be fascinated. "Why didn't anyone, like, say something before?" I asked, it might have saved some confusion and hurt feelings.

She shrugged her shoulders and smiled daintily. "I don't know... maybe no one thought you would be overly interested, it's just never really seemed noteworthy to any of us, not compared to Mar's power."

"Oh," I said unsurely, and suddenly a shrill ring was exclaimed from my cell phone. I gasped out loud, jumping off the bed in surprise and beginning to pat my pockets, looking for the source of the noise. I was excited. It had to be Alice, and she had to have good news!

Nuri was suddenly in the doorway, watching apprehensively. I smiled to him weakly. Jannah still sat on the bed, she hadn't moved but she looked pretty curious too. I flipped open the phone and held it to my ear, not daring to breathe.

"Bella?" Alice asked excitedly after a second.

"Hi," I murmured breathlessly, "please tell me..."

"We did it!" Alice laughed joyfully. "We did it! We got Edward to remember you!"

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**Well? **

**I'm almost finished writing Faye's backstory, but I still don't know if I'll post it. And I know this is kind of futile because people rarely read AN's, but if I am going to post it it'll be before another chapter here. Believe me, it's a million time different then Jannah's... much more angsty.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Well, this is shorter then normal because I chopped the original chapter in half. So I screwed up my whole count down! Oh well, not the end of the world. I'm sorry it's taken so long. And I won't give you some crappy excuse, I'm sure I have one, but I won't. I'm just sorry. No one will read this anyway!**

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I had no words to purvey how I felt at that moment. I couldn't exclaim anything, I couldn't break down crying, but most of all I couldn't look up at the two people who I was sure were even more curious now. Curious and maybe even heartbroken.

"Will you come? I mean, you do want to see him, right?" I couldn't believe how unsure she sounded, she didn't honestly think I would consider not wanting to be with Edward, did she?

"Yes, I'm—I'm coming. Really. I'm just shocked, I think. In a good way."

"One second... he wants to talk to you, and if I don't agree I think he might tear my head off."

I giggled, just for the sake of giggling. I was so happy now, after a whole week and a bit of stress and worry and upset and not knowing was going to happen, it would all be fine. For Edward and I at least. "Please Alice, please put him on."

There wasn't even a second of wait time before he was on the line. "Bella..." Edward whispered quietly. I nearly half gasped.

"How are you?" I asked in a breathless voice, it was all I could manage. I wished that Nuri wasn't in the room now, that he wouldn't have to hear our conversation. Of course, he could always just leave.

"I'm fine, fine now but I miss you." He took a deep breath, "I love you, sweetheart. I'm so sorry... for what I did to you... for all the pain and suffering. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," I tried to tell him. "I don't even want to think about it. I—I miss you too, Edward." I bit my tongue as I said it. I didn't want to know how much I was hurting Nuri with my words.

"I'm already on my way to Forks," he said. "I'll get there as fast as I possibly can."

"No, I'm coming to Alaska," I told him. I didn't know why I suddenly said it, but it seemed like it would be the best plan. "Wait there, everything—everything will be fine."

"Alright." He agreed without any resistance, but I didn't completely know why. I was thankful, though. "I—I love you."

I swallowed. "I love you too." The line went quiet and I stowed my phone away in my pocket. Then I looked up to Jannah, still sitting on the bed. Nuri was gone.

"I'll drive you," she offered, jumping up and taking my hand. "We should be able to get a plane ticket no problem."

"Okay," I muttered, shaking her hand from my own and beginning for the door. I didn't want her sympathy now, and I didn't deserve it. I was amazed at how my delight at Edward remembering could so suddenly turn to the dread of what I would now have to say to Nuri. This was the end, I had to tell Nuri—if he hadn't already gotten the point—how I didn't love him, and that I was leaving for good.

I dragged my feet all the way down the stairs and across the open expanse before the door. I stared at the ground to whole time, too. Nothing really seemed to be happening, until I reached for the handle of the front door and my fingers became entwined with someone else's.

"If it's going to hurt you this much then don't do it. Don't leave if it's going to hurt."

I managed to look up, despair filled every inch of me. But I didn't say anything.

He shook his head as he realized I was going to stay silent. "It hasn't even hit me, I tried to be prepared for this for days now, but I don't really know what's going on..."

"I—I never meant to hurt you, Nuri, I just didn't know..."

He shook his head again and reached up, stroking my hair lovingly. Like I was something he would never fully have... Like I couldn't be his. "I never said this was anywhere near your fault." He corrected me, "I—I'm just not sure what I'll do when I realize... when I realize you won't be coming back. So I'll beg now, Bella, don't leave me," his eyes pleaded as much as his heart did. "Just... don't leave me. Stay. Stay, please."

"Nuri, I can't," my voice broke as I said it, I was about to self-destruct with emotion.

"Yes you can, you can Bella," he pleaded.

"No I can't!" I threw my arms dramatically around his neck and sobbed into his chest. "Listen... I don't want to. I need Edward, I need him..."

"Okay," he said, putting his hands on my shoulders and pushing me away from him for a moment. Then he pulled me back and pressed his lips onto mine, but I just couldn't bear it. I tore myself away and looked up to him. Something inside me wanted to believe he understood why I just couldn't kiss him, but I wasn't sure. And I certainly wasn't going to ask. He held my trembling hands in his own for an instant but I pulled them away, and without too much more thinking I took a retreating step backwards. For a moment I was convinced I might fall over. Jannah was there in a second, she took my hand again and Nuri was gone. He took off, disappearing completely out of sight.

I let out an unwilling sob and Jannah pulled me close to her, making me put my head down on her shoulder. "It's okay," she said quietly. "I'm here for you." I couldn't help but keep sobbing, tearlessly of course, the entire car ride to the airport. Then I quieted down, to what must have been Jannah's great relief.

"Think you're any better?" She asked, interrupting the new found silence of the vehicle.

"No," I replied. "I'll—I'll never be better... but... I'll learn to manage." My voice still trembled and I thought I might lose it. "Thank you, Jannah, this is so hard."

"I can only imagine." She nodded thoughtfully. "It's time to go home now, Bella. You know, you were right all along, you need to be with Edward. Go be with him."

I turned to look out my window at the airport and sighed. There would be my flight from Seattle to Alaska, my flight right back into Edward's arms. Where I belonged. I opened the car door and slipped out into the rain. "Bye," I whispered, turning back to Jannah. She smiled encouragingly. "Say—say that everyone else for me too, okay?"

"I always intended to," she promised.

I swallowed again and turned, shutting the car door and heading towards the airport. It was going to be better soon, soon I would have Edward.

* * *

**Faye's story is... kinda something else. For any of you who have been following the progression of that. I don't know if I plan to post it or not, but if I'm going to it's completely written and the first section (it's quite long) is just about ready to be posted. I don't ever know why I'm reluctant, but I am.**


	29. Chapter 29

**Wow... this is the last one I guess. The last one... Ah! That's so hard to think about! Regardless, this is really it! Really!**

I so totally want to dedicate this... (at a lack of a describing word!) fanfic to TwilightKristy and Shadow WolfBoy. For being there, laughing with me, surprisingly not at me, and being just super awesome! 

**(Ah! Last chapter!)**

* * *

Everything about the airport and the flight was horrible. The waiting... the thinking... all the people... at least their conversations could easily be used as a distraction. I wasn't purposely trying to be nosy and invade people's personal lives, I just needed _something_ to keep my thoughts from wandering back to what had gone on. How was I supposed to deal with this if I had nothing more to dwell on then my own thoughts? I knew the pain would have gotten the best of me... not knowing what was happening back in Forks, and worrying if Edward would still be the same... I would have been a mess.

When my plane touched down in Alaska I felt my first bout of excitement in as long as I could remember, maybe since I had, had my memory returned. It was just Edward, the only person I would ever truly love. Nothing to be afraid of.

I was glad that I didn't have luggage or anything else to hold me up, all I had to do was hurry out into his arms, which was exactly what I did upon first spotting Edward.

It took me less than half a second to find him, he was Edward, I would have been able to pick him out anywhere, at any time of day, under any circumstances. He was the one that was_ mine_. When we made eye contact I had a slight feeling he had been watching me since I had first come into view. His stance barely changed when our eyes locked, though. I, on the other hand, began to feel just slightly faint, and my pace picked up considerably too. Even though I tried to keep it human, and less than even a run. But I needed his comfort, I needed to know everything had been worth it.

He had opened his arms slightly before I even reached him, and I didn't hesitate to straight-out throw myself at him and nestle my face in his chest.

"I missed you," I practically sobbed. "Edward, I missed you so much." I didn't just mean for the period of time when he didn't remember me, or when I didn't remember him, my remark reached back to when he had left me. I still missed him for then too.

"I missed you too," he breathed heavily, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and holding me close. "Bella, oh, being without you... it was..."

"Bad," I finished for him. Sure, there were a thousand more appropriate words for our situation, but bad worked just fine. I didn't want to think about how it really felt.

"Yes," he agreed, kissing the top of my head. "I'm so sorry Bella. For what I did to you... and for all the trouble it caused."

By that I knew exactly what he meant; he was talking about the fact that I had, had to make a choice, him or Nuri. I had made my choice now, though.

"It's not your fault," I murmured to him. "I was dumb to think I could just run away from my problems and it would all be good. That's not how life works and I'm a big girl, I should have known that."

"You were in pain," Edward rocked me slightly, obviously feeling guilty. "You were in pain that I had caused and looking for a way out, Bella. There's no reason for anyone to blame you, or for you to blame yourself."

I pulled away as little as possible, just so I could see his face. His eyes seemed confused, as if he was rather unsure as to what I was about to do or say. "You were just trying to let me live," I countered.

"But look what I—"

"If I'm not allowed to blame myself then you can't blame yourself. Fair?"

His eyes searched mine for a moment, like he wasn't sure if he wanted to agree, but finally Edward shook his head as a yes. "Anything to make you happy."

"Thank you, Edward," I whispered, smiling slightly as he leaned forward and let his lips part mine. It was almost something I had never expected to happen again... even after I got my memory back. There must have been some part of me that didn't think Edward would be the same. But he was the same, he was everything I had missed, everything I had been without. And now it was all going to be perfect, like I had always imagined.

~*~*~*~

Edward and I wasted very little time after our kiss standing around in the airport. According to him, Alice had said we better hurry back. She had been pretty eager to see me. Not as much as Edward, but eager enough. She was Alice after all.

We rushed outside and to the vehicle he had brought, all the while holding hands. Everything seemed... safe around Edward. Maybe it was the fact that that he had always been there to protect me in the past, or maybe it was the hope that I wouldn't have to face another tumultuous event in the near future, but, either way, I still hated what I had done to hurt Nuri. I just knew this was right. I knew I had to be with Edward. I could never possibly love anyone else on the face of the earth like I loved him.

Even just driving back to where the rest of his family was staying, which was with Tanya and her family, I began to miss everyone still in Forks. I missed Faye's sarcastic comments, I missed Mar's constant giddiness, and how she always had a way to cheer you up. And I missed Jannah's silence, but how she was always the one you could talk to. But Nuri... I missed everything about him. It felt different now, though. I felt almost... indifferent when I thought about him. I missed his soft smile, I missed his eyes, I missed his red hair and how he had comforted me the day I had run from the school, but he had his life, and now I had mine.

But I would keep missing him, I had learned from experience what forgetting meant. And it had been the hard way. Your past shapes your future, and without a past you couldn't have much of future, either.

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** I have combined the epilogue with the original last chapter, but there's a little something more to come. In my hopes it will be later today, but it really isn't looking good all of a sudden. I will try hard!**


	30. Doesn't Matter

**I'm very glad I have time to post now! Anyway, I guess this could be the alternate epilogue or whatever. I just got the idea and it screamed to be written. I had to! I do have some intent to write what I have working titled "Fourth Two" one day, and this would be rather important to it, as you will see.**

* * *

**Nuri's POV.**

"I don't want to remember her."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," my eyes trailed up from the floor to where Margareta stood. She was watching Faye and I.

"She wouldn't have wanted this," Faye said almost desperately, her arms were wrapped around me in some form of comfort. But I was beyond the point of comfort now, every fiber of my being ached for Bella, every inch of me yearned.

"Doesn't matter," I informed her, "she's gone."

"Doesn't mean this is a good idea! Please, Nuri, please—"

"I don't want to know she ever existed."

"Okay." Mar took a step forward.

"Nuri, no! Both of you!"

I knew the feeling of my memory being erased, and I knew whatever argument Faye may have had for me not to do this had come too late.

When she let out a sob I assumed she knew that too.

* * *

**This is the end. Thank you to all the amazing people who read, reviewed, alerted and favourited! And for the countless days that you all** **made for me! Aww, now I'm sad. You ROCK!**


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